Confession

PSX_20200628_050742-1.jpgA lot of things that are happening in the world at present are hard for me to parse. Things seem to have gone quite mad, and I am often afraid. I do not feel much belonging in reality because it has become ferocious. I worry.

If, by your constitution, you sometimes tend to live your life as a character in your own story, things can become a bit bizarre. Since poetry is one of my significant forms of communication, there is some validity to a concept recently divulged by someone dear on the nature of my existence. He calls me an Agent of Spiralling Chaos and has had things to get in order, so I have been in exile.

Though he is a recent, but not so recent addition to my life, I do not react to exile well and have been fighting the negative states, as you may have noticed.

He allowed me access to his realm for a few hours, which resulted in my missing my deadline for posting a significant piece last evening. So pictorial documentation came into play.

We had been shopping because I needed to go, but I am now quite terrified to go alone. The truth is dealing with reality has become increasingly difficult. I now have a supply of Diet Coke and Gatorade Zero, which should help me survive until next, I see him.

A funny thing recently is I have noticed the poetry seems to slip into my natural conversation, especially in the form of rhymes. It is not that surprising because of how much poetry I have written this year, but it is still interesting to me. Rhymes were never that much a part of my forms. It has become apparent as I worked this year that poems with rhyme are more likely to garner likes.

To be honest, I am bewildered about what I should do to entertain my audience. You guys are hard to figure out, and with a significant portion of my interaction with the world being through a screen, it would be so edifying if I understood how to please you over there on your side. Since I do not have a crystal ball or a fortune teller to inform me, there are times, I hate to say, but I just do it because I promised myself that I would make at least one post a day this year, 2020. When I made that vow, I had no idea what we, as a planet, would be getting into.

I do not watch TV, and though I have some subscriptions, I rarely read articles beyond headlines. Sometimes my Facebook feed is overrun with politics, but I am an expert on the scroll. When I come here with him, I get caught up on things out there. It hurts my heart and scares my mind. It is not unusual for me to cry. I never thought the world could become what it is at present.

I cannot understand the present. I only hope that we all reach a point where love is the overriding and guiding force leading all our dealings, interactions, and relationships.

I hope the Wookie has not destroyed things again. I think I minimized her range, but she is an unpredictable article. I did put all the shoes away, the Amope, and my foot care stuff. I am so fortunate I had a spare Amope. Mom blessed me with that, as so much. All the doors are shut, so it should be interesting. I really did not expect her to act so puppyishly; if the shelter was correct, she should be over three by now. She has always been rather destructive, though it was most commonly to me as a person.

I should be sleeping, but it seems when I do not have time for my personal pursuits because I am otherwise entertained (did my stalwart fans catch the reference?), I will catch up in the after-midnight hours. Those you may surmise are a comfort zone anyway.

Agent of Spiralling Chaos, complete distraction, I guess it fits, though it is nothing I attempt to be. I think we are mutual Agents of Survival. Time will tell, and we shall see.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

 

Author: Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

My life has gone through some rapid changes of which I had no control so I am now trying to find new purpose and meaning. There is an adventure in this and I am excited to move forward.

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