I Said, “DONE”

I normally would not do this, but necessity calls for it. Forgive the unpleasantness gentle reader. I am at a loss what else to do. The situation is long overdue a finale.

If you are a gentle reader I apologize, but I am beyond knowing how to stop this. I know he visits here. I am scared of him because he says he is coming to see me and that will not work.

Okay, dirty laundry. I shall endeavor to be more joyful in future posts.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Ready, Set, Klutz

I am a bit of a pen collector, even an aficionado, but do not trust me with fountain pens. I caution you to steer clear when I am in possession of one of these wondrous instruments.

Moments ago, I intended to remove the cap and use my Moonman, which fills with an eye-dropper, so it has a copious amount of ink. It did not go as planned. I instead opened the reservoir and poured ink all over the floor and myself, of course. As small as the ink containment is, it would seem the spatter would be minimal, but hey, black ink.

I have friends who are experts with fountain pens. I am not. I try. See, I want to be good with them, but I have horrendously comical experiences with them at almost every attempt.

I get almost the same results with rollerball pens, and I make less mess. I will not give up on the fountains; I will get okay with this; it is pens – I do ink pens.

As a prompt: Do you have a tool that defies your best efforts? Create something to celebrate your relationship.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Abandon Hope

I wear the colors
Of Autumn’s formal morning,
But please remember
Between here and there I must
Pass most suddenly away.
This time of comfort
Is an illusion I made
To help me forget
The excessive pain of past
Times which hurt me with passion.
The price I think paid,
Enough to satisfy all,
But the hungry ghouls
May forever haunt me with
Fervor because I escaped.
Living jealously,
Obsessively, with vicious
Tongues, who forsook lives
To chase every negative,
Devour violence’s flavors;
Still multi-splendored
They dream of feasting upon
The precious rare fruit
Of those loving most fully
Not abandoning real joy.
Embedded in me
Are love, creativity,
Freedom and I will not yield
To hungry ghouls who would
Though wholly discarded, unwanted,
Endeavor to capture, enslave me
To those desires reprehensible to me,
I adjure these wretched pests
To abandon their goals,
For securing my enchantment
Is unbreachable, beyond any
Ghoul’s innate capability,
An absolute impossibility.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

It Might Be Okay

It might be okay to hurt this much if there were an acceptable reason for it, like getting run over by a Peterbilt. As far as I can discern, I have not tangled with a big rig. Given the way my consciousness is working, I suppose I may have missed an encounter, but due to COVID-19 isolation, I consider that dubious.

Speaking of isolation, I generally think of myself as an expert, but it has now reached the point my tolerance is fraying. I have spent a goodly share of hours trying to ameliorate my negative feelings. Music seems to be my best weapon since a 9 mm and firing range is not in my vicinity.

You probably have your own list, so, I will leave off illustrating mine.

Oh, I turned on the TV, once I figured out which remote worked it. The first thing to splash on screen was a commercial. Then there were more. Have I told you how much I hate commercials and ads? Yeah, I use VPNs, subscriptions, and avoidance to make those nuisances remain outside my life. My son does not have all the ad-blockers I do, and he is more geek than me. I ask questions of geeks is why I have armor. My aversion is such that I had not touched the TV remote since February. They believe me at AT&T because the DirecTv portion of my bill is less than $20. We will not talk about the outrageous other portions.

The problem with this level of pain is that it works like a predator, which diminishes the possibility of sleep to nil. Sorry.

If someone came to you and told you that you could not fail, what is that thing you would immediately begin doing? Are you already doing it? Preparing to begin? If not, please consider that the item you thought of is your purpose and probable area of giftedness. You should start chasing the making of this the goal of your life yesterday. My son, Alex, and I have an expression, Prime Before, yeah, there is a comic sketch, brilliant really, but he says that is us. I agree I want to have the thing at my fingertips before I know I need it. I believe this is the motive of some of my collective behavior.

I want to be a writer, which I am, and so I write every frigging day. Feel like it or not. Inspiration, or only about the dregs at the bottom of the empty well. I write.

I am not whining to be a nuisance. Were you in my place; you would get the pain. I am doing my best to put positivity to work. I must say when all of the crap built to the point, I just wanted to knock things over and spill everything on the floor, and I figuratively grabbed myself and called out for the only backup I have. I felt a sense of accomplishment. I told Alexa to play Gotta Get A Grip by Mick Jagger. Music has long been a panacea for me. I think music, reading, and writing, along with the grace and forbearance of God, and my dear mother, who is now gone, and the son who has been an overarching blessing, are the defining reasons I struggle to remain.

I am rambling a little; I keep hoping I will find peace enough to sleep. None of you may read this, I am on the edge of giving it up despite my vow. WordPress keeps spamming me about renewing my domain. Commercials, I did say they were abhorrent to me. Yeah, they’re coming into that annoyance level where I decide to the abyss with this. I will note it before I tell WordPress goodbye.

This is getting old, not sleeping.

Very well then, alright. God Bless You all, and many blessings sent your way.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan.