Sunday – The Christian day of worship, not a good choice for deserting this plane of existence. Since time immemorial many believe suicides are consigned to hell. The consensus on that is it is a place of infernal fire and cruel everlasting punishment. It is also purportedly populated by Satan, devils, demons and other vile characters. Should you need some help imagining what those tormentors are like, catch a few episodes of Supernatural and see the trouble they cause Sam and Dean. Maybe if you weigh it out, you will find you sooner not leave an unpleasant life only to go somewhere worse.
Monday – Always a fun day when all the crap you left in the hope of enjoying a good weekend announces itself by punching you in the face and crunching allover your toes. It may appear a prime day for an exit, but fortunately, or no, you are so busy trying to catch up, doing damage control, and attempting to get ahead, that there is no time to escape. After the struggle, kick back, laugh at the battle, take advantage of the peace, and let the day slip into history.
Tuesday – Not a standout day as the week goes, but it has a few highlights. It is when the packages you ordered before the weekend usually arrive, and the day new book releases hit the stores, so you probably ought to choose a different day. You would not want to miss that book that taught you how to do more than merely exist nor the newest, latest, greatest thing you wanted because it can change your whole world. So take your tome and gadget, find a place you can forget the rest, and lose yourself in possibilities.
Wednesday – You have reached midweek, hump day, the weekend is in sight. Why leave when you anticipate relaxation ahead? Did I hear you release a deep sighing, “yeah, right?” I know, but there are cultural myths we all have to buy to lubricate the machine of society, so just go with it. Order a pizza or grill a steak or if you are on subsistence, cook up a pot of Ramen. Have a drink, not saying it has to be alcoholic though you might gather it is implied. Stream a comedy, or play your favorite album or three, find a someone and consider something momentous together. Wednesday is not a good day to desert the followers who will forget you in a week. You have to be here to fuel the engine.
Thursday – Nothing outstanding usually happens on Thursday, (except Thanksgiving, and if you can dredge up some gratitude, it might help you find some sliver of meaning to get you through, but I would not bet on it if you are buried in the barrel of monkeys on your back). Why would you want such an ignominious death day, we all want to go out in blazing glory, uh, yeah, please do not burn the house down, fire hurts. Go for a drive, or a bike ride, or walk the dog, put the cat in a box, call someone who may be as lonely as you, well, maybe not, but try to cheer both of you up. Belay, this is not the day to die.
Friday – Congratulations, you have gained the eve of the weekend. Time to party! Take yourself out to a restaurant where the screeching is limited and let someone else prepare, serve, and clean up after your meal; after your appetite is appeased go somewhere and watch people. Observe that there are others who are making their way through life, facing some of the same obstacles as yours, and each one is still in the game. Go home and do something creative. Bring a vision of your own into the world by writing, with photos, doing art, singing, laying out your outfit for tomorrow, or anything that comes to mind to entertain you. While you are at it, you might even forget you wish to die, after all, it is a sad scene.
Saturday – Wow! Day seven, you have survived! Give yourself a gold star, okay, silver if you prefer. Forget about the bottle of pills you fantasize about, that cold metal loaded gun, quit gauging whether the extension cord will hold your weight long enough to strangle you, or if you can stand the pain of carving yourself up, and all the other myriad ways you have devised to rob posterity of your presence. It is Saturday! There are sports on television, I guess, I watch such little tv, that I am not positive, but I think so. Someone put up a new video on YouTube which is must see. There are articles everyone will discuss Monday, in the paper, or maybe nowadays you have to watch the news to get the scoop, take CNN or Fox, matters not to me; watch the latest movie at the box office. Lose yourself in media and let the notion of self-destruction fade out of your moments. After all, tomorrow is another day.
Postscript – I wrote this in my “dump notebook,” which is where I put things I never intend to use. I thought about how this might help someone or open someone’s perspective. I solicited opinions with a teaser posting on Facebook, and some few responded that I should post. There were no adverse reactions, so you found this here.
I struggle with suicide, daily. Most times I am safe, it is just a thought. Others, I plan. Talking to someone, even though they have no idea they are pushing the possibility away, often helps reframe the situation and leads to choosing life. Life is a treasure, if we end it prematurely by our hand, we have deserted all the possibilities we have to excel and succeed. We have lost confidence in ourselves, others, love, and we have laid aside our courage and chosen to quit. We are winners, every one of us is precious. We would not be alive without we have a purpose, and it is not to kill ourselves.
If you are struggling with suicidal ideation, talk to someone, let someone know, give yourself and the universe the gift of getting help, you are not hopeless, and you are not alone. People love you, even people you have no idea care. Do not leave a void on the planet because you went without reason. If you die, you will cause such a magnitude of suffering you cannot imagine. Your family, your friends, every person you know will feel guilt, sadness, grief because you are gone. They will be unable to forgive themselves for not knowing your pain, not stopping the ending of your life.
Please, I know it hurts, I see the futility, the profound hopelessness, and uselessness, all those negative feelings that can assail a heart that no longer knows a reason to go on. The truth is you belong; you are loved, you have so much to share with the world. You are needed here. You can survive. You may have to change; change can be useful. You fell many times before you walked and you could call that failure, but you got up and tried again. One day you took off walking, and you never looked back. There are future successes ahead of you. The truth is no day is a good day to die. Keep going, you can achieve greatness, and it is your responsibility to do all you can. You got this. Never Give Up.
Should you need to talk anonymously, call the hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Do what you must to make yourself safe and keep doing it until you are free.
© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan