Allusions

You know I am crazy.

This morning I was covered in goosebumps and asked him if he had a jacket I could wear. He went upstairs and brought me a sweatshirt.

I asked him if he had heard Barbara’s song off the Songbird album, “Honey, Can I Put On Your Clothes?” He is like a musical encyclopedia and can recite, well, you would not believe.

He said, “No.” So I sang it. Then he asked if I had a shirt like that. I said, not really. He said you can have that one.

Sometimes I am crazier than everything.

Pictograph

We’re not in love
No, no, no, we’re not,
He is still caught up
In memories of her;
I try to be someone
Freeing him for a time
From the constant grind
Of all the problems
He is called upon
To solve each second,
Of every single day.
He shares his tastes
In music, humor, art,
I learn sometimes
That I am not so strange
As I have often thought,
There is a contemporary
Person who gets
The boundless part of me.
He helps me with
My myriad problems
Encouraging me to
Continue in my efforts,
And our hugs help
Us deal with this time
Of social isolation;
But no, he is not in love
And says he never will.
I share him with a ghost
But somehow, that feels
Familiar, it is usually
Reversed – so I can deal
With it for now, and
Perhaps eventually
We will find a place
In one another’s orbit
That allows us to feel
What is already there
As something real.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Turns Out, It Is True!

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

This morning at some point, 40,000 households in Douglas County, Georgia, serviced by GreyStone Power lost electrical service. It was after 2 am for me because that is when I went to bed. If you need proof I sleep like the dead; I did not know a thing about it. However, when I woke at 7:30 am, it was very dark. I plotted a path to the restroom with a flashlight and returned to bed.

‘The power will be on when I get back up,’ was my thought as I snuggled in. When I got up at 10:30 am, nothing electrical was working.

Usually, if I have a warning, I charge up everything and make sure I am prepared. This storm, at least for me, came out of nowhere. I do not have a weather radio due to harrowing previous experience with one in my past existence.

At 10:30 am, I was shaken and had nothing that was not sugary to eat. Even my cell phone would not work. You can key the scary music, because this is one of those situations where I am terrified.

I got in the Explorer and drove to the library. God must have known how bad I needed some people, because a young gentleman and lady asked me was it open after I had gone to the door. It was not. We talked a few minutes and agreed our cell phones were out, hers’ being Sprint and mine Boost, which uses Sprint’s towers. They were there to vote, and that was partly my purpose.

I went to town for food and ate at Del Taco’s outdoor table. I had to be where I could see people, even in cars.

I went to Sam’s Club and bought some dog food, drinks, and food. When I returned home – the power was still out. I had perishables in the refrigerator and freezer at risk, plus groceries I had just gotten. I cried and prayed and hoped.

Around 5 pm, the power came on. I have been loving my house and my things since. I have repeatedly said, “Thank you, God!” I am still without computers, but how sweet electricity is.

About that thing where everyone runs to the store to buy sandwich fixings and water, maybe milk, I get it now. Some things will teach you they are true. I got schooled today.

Do not let the weather catch you sleeping, as Boy Scouts say, “Be Prepared!”

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Exhaust

Three hours of sleep nightly, one cannot long abide. However, once medication changes are absorbed, there can be improvements. Even now, a few days in much has been accomplished.

I am quite tired this evening, so I am only writing a few words.When youu are trying to catch up, it is wise not to try to do everything at once. Time was invented to keep everything from happening at once. Pace yourself to protect yourself. Tomorrow, after all, is another day. Should it not arrive your plans will have little validity anyway.

I talked to a lady today with life tragedies that were overwhelming. At one point her mental state had affected her physical state to the place she was confined to a walker. Her faith in God remained steadfast, and today, she is an active and happy 70-year-old

Life may deal us blows, but we know whom we trust, and we can stand in faith against the storm.

I hope this weekend gives you reasons to rejoice. I am likely confined for a day or two. I way overdid what I have the stamina for accomplishing. You know when you set a goal, and the deadline walks in and sits right beside you. It has been that week.

I challenge you to set one small goal and work on it cosistently over an appropriate amout of time and reward yourself at the completion.

©Jo Ann J.A. Jordan.

Cry It Over

Forgive me the moments
When I become lost beneath
Feelings which cut all
Reasoning off, I retrieve
Myself with tears, singing, prayer,
The revelations
That cast out paranoia, fear;
I hope you avoid
All those “cracks in the fabric,”
But you know my thoughts wander;
Happiness, standing
In the storms of desperation,
But crying to sing
Praises, although the brokeness
Will never leave, disappear.
I learn, learn again,
That life is overpowering –
Sometimes hearts bleed out,
I apply pressure, bandages,
Hoping God will fill the lack;
I do not own my
Faith, Jesus is love for everyone,
But He maybe loves me so,
Stops my hand when I come undone,
It is not a pretty story, fighting crazy –
Is hard luck, but there must be
Some purpose, for here I remain.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

I cannot describe for you all there is in what troubles me at times. Once in awhile I attempt to put Schizoaffective Disorder into words. I am not good at it. Recently times are very trying, though there is the mania too. Maybe it does not matter to others. I do not know. I just write what I am given when I am given to know.

As a prompt, you might create something about a challenge you face. It could be a food allergy, a learning impairment, a thing you must conquer, anything really. The thing with this is to open yourself to see the strength in your weakness, and possibly gain courage from sharing.

It seems to me, we all need to be real. If we want to come closer to peace we have to understand who we are. Weaknesses and faults are part of that, being transparent.

Allowances

On days like this, it is hard to put my stuff out. I have the vow to trip over. The one that says I will post every day this year, and yeah, it is looking like that may become my permanency. It gives me the incentive to work when I might be tempted to go idle. What do you do to motivate yourself, or if you are not producing as you like, how can you make a change?

I have written four pages in the journal today, but I could so not post. Just go on reading the novel I want to complete, and wanting the chocolate I will not bring home. If I go to Aldi and get it, I will binge, to the degree I will eat almost nothing else until it is gone. Nope. I went to Sam’s Club the other day and am proud to say neither Nutella nor Airheads jumped in my cart. These sorts of things I battle regularly. What do you fight with every ounce of self you can muster? Is it food, television, books, shopping, negativity? You can win, at least sometimes. The more you win, the easier the next scrimmage will become.

I have played no music today, which is an anomaly. It has been me and my brain. Always a bit of a stretch, kind of like I imagine bungee jumping in the Grand Canyon, terrifying and exhilarating at once. What happens when you step out of your routine? Can you stick to it as you would like?

Anyway, I hope you have a rewarding evening and accomplish something that makes you smile.