Mad Advocacy

It is bad enough the subject is still taboo in our day. It is bad enough, so many people suffer in fear, afraid to be real. It is bad enough there are millions. It is so horrible people are dying.

If it were cancer, if it were cardiac, if it were anything physical, there would be a focus, discussion, compassion, a willingness to try to find better treatments, a cure.

My cousin asked a general question on Facebook, “Can a person with schizophrenia be called an individual?” Family, my own family. He knows me. I have corresponded with him. He has read my work and me, his. He came here and spent time with me in person the day of Mom’s memorial service.

Read that again, “Can a person with schizophrenia be called an individual?”

This was my reply: “Yes. Schizophrenia and Multiple Personality Disorder are different things. Do you consider me an individual? I have Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia, and the mood disorder, Bipolar combined.

Even MPD, the person, is an individual. Our illnesses do not make us any less worthy of respect and love as individuals.

I wonder where this post came from.”

Punch me in the face and lay me out cold. I could not believe I was reading this.

I should not be surprised. Society wishes to sweep us out with the nasty garbage. Do you know how long it takes to get funding to find those of us suffering new treatments? Do you realize how many people think we are all acting? Do you know how few live to age 56 because they commit suicide?

Sorry, I am angry. It is not so much about me. I know people who could function with meds. I know women who are so down on themselves, their husbands can put fists to skin. I have spoken to a father whose son and his wife were both mentally ill, and that man was in the process of adopting their little girl because neither of them could adequately care for her. He was almost 70.

I am lucky, I get my meds, and though I am sometimes suicidal, I know how to defuse myself with my creativity. Not to say, I have not come very close to success but been saved. My disease is the worst, and I am high functioning. I have an incredible doctor, I was able to get disability, Medicare, and Medicaid by 1997, but I had been living a nightmare since 1981. What I get does not pay all the bills, but I am afraid to lose the insurance by going to work, and I do not do well in public for extended periods. My home is a disaster area. Alex cleared out my Mom’s room. We took three loads in large trucks of clothes to Good Will. I could not do it. I cannot hardly manage any of the house. I have to keep my mind busy, or I destruct. I have to read, write, create, stay mentally engaged, or go to pieces.

Do you realize why so many are in a sorry state? They cannot afford a doctor, and if they could, they could not afford meds. Go price anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, go ahead. I will wait.

This is a crisis, and every day it gets worse. That is not an exaggeration. More and more people are committing suicide.

I am sorry, I try to leave this out of the conversation. I know most do not wish to hear about it. Many think we just lack will power and can pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. My older brother was like that, he looked down on me most of my life. We loved each other, but I failed to meet his expectations. My Mom talked to everybody who knew me trying to find ways to relate to me.

No one knows what having voices that you know are unreal, but you cannot dispel, that tell you that you are damned, stupid, ugly, unwanted, unloved, is like without experiencing it. Also, delusions that make it so you cannot trust anyone and always make you feel inferior, make you wish you were never born or could die right quick. It is so hard to understand, and no one should have to, we should put an end to it with committed research.

People like so many of our stars and veterans who commit suicide because of depression. Most of the people suffering are bright and had potential until the diseases took over their lives.

Maybe you know someone who struggles, perhaps you could give them a hug, tell them how much they mean to you. Offer to visit. Just treat them like they are an individual. Love them even if they are sometimes or often unlovable. If you know someone who needs treatment, maybe you could help them with the process. It is damned hard, and many require advocates.

If this offends you, I am sorry. If you think less of me, I get it. Something needs to be done to wake this country up to this crisis. People are dying, and their blood is on our hands if we do nothing, say nothing, we do not initiate change.

“Can a person with schizophrenia be called an individual?” If we dehumanize those with mental issues, are we not falling back into worst tyrannies than our nation’s and world’s past.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

I usually give you pretty pictures, but I think the stark text will do this time.

 

Poem: Hunted/Hunter

Well, here now, bet you did not expect me back. I took a nap. It is the best way to reset my destructive urges when I am being pursued by suicidal thoughts. Trust me, depression is no ally. However, in my crenelated state, mania also sets about to usher me away, over-taking walls that can never fence me in. Always a battle, forever a war, victory nevermore. Anyway…

Hunted/Hunter

There is a dichotomy
Built into our lives,
A perceived separation
More akin to a lie.
We are every one
A hunted, running
For survival and to
Be claimed a trophy
To ornament some
People’s idea of who
We should become.
Also, each a hunter,
Aching for forever love
Chasing illusions, dreams,
Whatever seems a goal,
Thinking accomplishment,
Wealth, reputation, will
Finally, make us whole.
Reality is our hearts
Are vessels circulating love,
What we wish to attain
Lies within us to share,
Give away, making love
All of the world
And throughout
Every moment of history.
The hunted/hunter is
A celebration of creation
Begun with a word,
To continue for eternity
The Beloved we serve,
The Beloved we are.

Yeah, that just came like a hurricane out of nowhere, the only thing I had was the words, Hunted/Hunter. Oh, dears, that is the first draft. I usually only write first drafts of poems. 

As a prompt: Create something about a dichotomy you feel presents itself in life.

I am safe, by the way. I just get agitated. The damnable disease is a horrible thing, but it has its gifts too. I am not sure I would be so wildly creative did I not face the struggle.

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© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Social, I Suppose

Decision Point

You like lemon drops
I prefer spicy red hots,
Can we still be friends?
Can our yellows, reds, mingle?
Do sour and hot speak, emote?
Would we need to shove
Our preferences, tastes, down
One another’s throat?
I think given space and time
We can share our love as friends.

Erotica Avec Moi

I want to lay you
Down on freshly laundered pure
White sheets, soft as mink,
Becoming entangled like
Stars in cosmic clouds gleaming
With passion’s light dew,
Sweet escaping sighs released
As we learn precious
Togetherness can delight
Lips and tongues discovered new.

Monday, November 4, 2019

Willful
Abuse
Radicalized

Every person is
Some parent’s treasured baby
Whose birth was an Event;
If blood is spilled, at what cost?
Tears drowning, an ocean flow.

Someone different despised
Loaded missiles in idle conversation
Tearing a visage apart,
No safety on which to depend;
Maybe driven reckless to an end.

Corporate priorities
Accelerating profit margins;
Hours near unending or brief, plenty of pain disregarded,
Limiting accommodations, promotion recommendations,
Eliminating benefits, cutting back, workers fail.

Pointless politicians
Preying on public insecurities
Inciting mobs, another election
A million to furnish the mansion,
People’s needs less meaningful than drapes.

A bevy of youngsters, college denied,
By fiscal lack or instability
Sent, the guns and bullets,
To lands that savor patriot blood
Above that of many others.

Pretty flags draped, we weep,
Coffins we must somehow bear
Some parent’s treasured baby,
Now gone forever, death’s deep sleep,
Departing others, the cycle repeat.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, November 5, 2019

 

No Country of Cowards

Imagine, if you will, a malaise our forefathers believed would never exist within our nation’s borders. May I welcome you to the Twilight of America and its freedoms should we, the people, not enact and undertake far-reaching changes.

Rather than caring for and supporting our military veterans, we may stand mutely by while 22 of them die by suicide each day. Where essential services for those vets with needs may take months, sometimes years, and more often than our government wishes to admit, are never given at all.

Young men may face danger when stopped for minor traffic violations, or simply because they were in an unexpected place.

A badly beaten person may not be afforded justice because of their appearance, orientation, affiliation, sex, or because their attacker is of a sort more highly esteemed.

A pregnant woman and her children may come under threat of bodily harm at gunpoint when they have committed no crime.

A senior couple may be forced to adopt a grandchild, because both her parents are mentally ill and cannot obtain treatment or medication because they are indigent.

A mother with two degrees who works excessive exhaustive hours in healthcare may only make $10 an hour while her disabled son makes $13 an hour at a home improvement warehouse.

Children may die at school when some unauthorized shooter invades the campus — a shooter who may be an untreated mentally ill person.

Many buildings sit vacant for numerous years when they may be better used to provide shelter to the homeless.

Prescriptions may be so expensive; they deplete a family’s resources to such a degree they cannot afford other necessities.

Desperately needed medical procedures that sustain life may bankrupt those who believed their insurance and their savings would carry them through any crisis.

Many may deal with gnawing grumbling bellies because there is no sustenance to be procured. Some of these are children, starving children.

Politicians may not care about the people they are meant to serve but only focus on sowing divisive seeds that will cause unrest and destroy compassion.

Teachers may be poorly paid, overburdened in crowded classrooms, lack needed materials and supplies, and be continually expected to produce students who excel.

 

These are only a few examples: injustice and inequality are widespread. The corporations and governments over us have become callous, disregarding the rights and needs of citizens.

If we do not put aside our differences and join forces to bring change in our society, the demise of much of what we hold dear about America may occur sooner than we imagine. We have come to the edge of a precipice where our choices and actions may save us or send our beautiful 243-year experiment into the obscurity of those dreams which die.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Sunday, June 16, 2019

This is a bit dark, but if we do not speak, we cannot improve. Some of these examples are from people who opened up to me without any request, people talk to me.

Rallying

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This poem is written in the first person, but I assure you if you need to take its message to heart, it can apply as a rallying cry for more than only me. In fact, that is the only reason I shared. This was journaling work. A suggestion, if you are struggling with any sort of problem, try using a journal or even “Scraps Of Paper,” that is an old poem of mine, but a valid recommendation.
 
If fear is haunting you, look up, do not give in, do not give up. We can overcome fear, resistance, negativity, but it has always been, presently is, forever will be, a choice. The war is one of continual battles, but if we do not make an attempt so much will go undone, and the world will not become what it could be.
 
Choosing Freedom
 
Where I am right now,
Where I want to be today,
Kept apart by me.
 
I am the factor
Who must make many changes
To realize dreams.
 
No one else can do
Whatever it is I must;
The power is mine.
 
Christ gave me these gifts,
But He will not force my work;
I must create it.
 
Giftedness is not
Placed within to be wasted,
It has a purpose.
 
Procrastination,
My inadequate feelings,
I must overcome.
 
I have studied, learned,
Still, I lack enough belief
To discard my fear.
 
It, False Evidence
Appearing Real, I leave now
Outside, behind me.
 
I take confidence
As an armor, wrapped in faith,
And banish my doubt.
 
These abilities
Were put in me to help those
In need, set me free.
 
My aspirations
I must craft until they can
Join reality.
 
© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
If you need a prompt, consider creating something to rally yourself, which you can also share with others. All of us are consistently in need of positive influence and encouragement. There is a heaviness of unrealized hopes and dreams in our world today. Many are discouraged and barely keeping themselves alive. We need to help one another. Far too many are lost upon giving up.
I am grateful:
1.  The positive influence of music has been helping me so much. I highly recommend YouTube music or if you have Amazon Prime, Prime Music. Both these can be streamed without commercials.
2.  My dogs, Marbles, and Tribble, who challenge me to develop a greater degree of patience while providing companionship.
3.  I am experiencing a rather extensively creative period.
4.  Friends, who back me up when I get down into my soles.
5.  Queen, The Rolling Stones, and a wide variety of Contemporary Christian Artists. Newsboys, “Crazy,” is a grand favorite.

All Right!

Everyone has problems
We all carry our deep scars,
But there is still hope;
All the things we have misplaced,
Innocence taken away,
Trust broken apart,
Truth found foul fabrication –
Healing still exists;
No matter our trials, troubles,
Love is real, we belong, hold on.
Life is a treasure –
Holy, precious, rare, unique,
Ultimately given
To bring us all transcendent
Blessings, love, peace, eternity.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Monday, April 8, 2019

 

Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I most sincerely hope you found something edifying and encouraging here. My purpose as I share is to arouse the creative genius in others and set other flames to dispelling the sadness I feel is so much a loose in our world currently. If you enjoyed the things in this posting, please check out other entries. If you like, follow this website, or come back when you have time.

Much love to you all, always,
Jo Ann