2017 was not my best year for reading. It really was a challenging year in most ways. I am sharing the list I kept. I read a lot more than this reflects, but you cannot precisely page count articles in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution and the periodicals I peruse.
Sunday – The Christian day of worship, not a good choice for deserting this plane of existence. Since time immemorial many believe suicides are consigned to hell. The consensus on that is it is a place of infernal fire and cruel everlasting punishment. It is also purportedly populated by Satan, devils, demons and other vile characters. Should you need some help imagining what those tormentors are like, catch a few episodes of Supernatural and see the trouble they cause Sam and Dean. Maybe if you weigh it out, you will find you sooner not leave an unpleasant life only to go somewhere worse.
Monday – Always a fun day when all the crap you left in the hope of enjoying a good weekend announces itself by punching you in the face and crunching allover your toes. It may appear a prime day for an exit, but fortunately, or no, you are so busy trying to catch up, doing damage control, and attempting to get ahead, that there is no time to escape. After the struggle, kick back, laugh at the battle, take advantage of the peace, and let the day slip into history.
Tuesday – Not a standout day as the week goes, but it has a few highlights. It is when the packages you ordered before the weekend usually arrive, and the day new book releases hit the stores, so you probably ought to choose a different day. You would not want to miss that book that taught you how to do more than merely exist nor the newest, latest, greatest thing you wanted because it can change your whole world. So take your tome and gadget, find a place you can forget the rest, and lose yourself in possibilities.
Wednesday – You have reached midweek, hump day, the weekend is in sight. Why leave when you anticipate relaxation ahead? Did I hear you release a deep sighing, “yeah, right?” I know, but there are cultural myths we all have to buy to lubricate the machine of society, so just go with it. Order a pizza or grill a steak or if you are on subsistence, cook up a pot of Ramen. Have a drink, not saying it has to be alcoholic though you might gather it is implied. Stream a comedy, or play your favorite album or three, find a someone and consider something momentous together. Wednesday is not a good day to desert the followers who will forget you in a week. You have to be here to fuel the engine.
Thursday – Nothing outstanding usually happens on Thursday, (except Thanksgiving, and if you can dredge up some gratitude, it might help you find some sliver of meaning to get you through, but I would not bet on it if you are buried in the barrel of monkeys on your back). Why would you want such an ignominious death day, we all want to go out in blazing glory, uh, yeah, please do not burn the house down, fire hurts. Go for a drive, or a bike ride, or walk the dog, put the cat in a box, call someone who may be as lonely as you, well, maybe not, but try to cheer both of you up. Belay, this is not the day to die.
Friday – Congratulations, you have gained the eve of the weekend. Time to party! Take yourself out to a restaurant where the screeching is limited and let someone else prepare, serve, and clean up after your meal; after your appetite is appeased go somewhere and watch people. Observe that there are others who are making their way through life, facing some of the same obstacles as yours, and each one is still in the game. Go home and do something creative. Bring a vision of your own into the world by writing, with photos, doing art, singing, laying out your outfit for tomorrow, or anything that comes to mind to entertain you. While you are at it, you might even forget you wish to die, after all, it is a sad scene.
Saturday – Wow! Day seven, you have survived! Give yourself a gold star, okay, silver if you prefer. Forget about the bottle of pills you fantasize about, that cold metal loaded gun, quit gauging whether the extension cord will hold your weight long enough to strangle you, or if you can stand the pain of carving yourself up, and all the other myriad ways you have devised to rob posterity of your presence. It is Saturday! There are sports on television, I guess, I watch such little tv, that I am not positive, but I think so. Someone put up a new video on YouTube which is must see. There are articles everyone will discuss Monday, in the paper, or maybe nowadays you have to watch the news to get the scoop, take CNN or Fox, matters not to me; watch the latest movie at the box office. Lose yourself in media and let the notion of self-destruction fade out of your moments. After all, tomorrow is another day.
Postscript – I wrote this in my “dump notebook,” which is where I put things I never intend to use. I thought about how this might help someone or open someone’s perspective. I solicited opinions with a teaser posting on Facebook, and some few responded that I should post. There were no adverse reactions, so you found this here.
I struggle with suicide, daily. Most times I am safe, it is just a thought. Others, I plan. Talking to someone, even though they have no idea they are pushing the possibility away, often helps reframe the situation and leads to choosing life. Life is a treasure, if we end it prematurely by our hand, we have deserted all the possibilities we have to excel and succeed. We have lost confidence in ourselves, others, love, and we have laid aside our courage and chosen to quit. We are winners, every one of us is precious. We would not be alive without we have a purpose, and it is not to kill ourselves.
If you are struggling with suicidal ideation, talk to someone, let someone know, give yourself and the universe the gift of getting help, you are not hopeless, and you are not alone. People love you, even people you have no idea care. Do not leave a void on the planet because you went without reason. If you die, you will cause such a magnitude of suffering you cannot imagine. Your family, your friends, every person you know will feel guilt, sadness, grief because you are gone. They will be unable to forgive themselves for not knowing your pain, not stopping the ending of your life.
Please, I know it hurts, I see the futility, the profound hopelessness, and uselessness, all those negative feelings that can assail a heart that no longer knows a reason to go on. The truth is you belong; you are loved, you have so much to share with the world. You are needed here. You can survive. You may have to change; change can be useful. You fell many times before you walked and you could call that failure, but you got up and tried again. One day you took off walking, and you never looked back. There are future successes ahead of you. The truth is no day is a good day to die. Keep going, you can achieve greatness, and it is your responsibility to do all you can. You got this. Never Give Up.
Should you need to talk anonymously, call the hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Do what you must to make yourself safe and keep doing it until you are free.
© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
We are permitted one life
In which to create the greatness
That will live beyond our years.
Creativity is the precursor
To the liberty, we seek
To experience in all we do,
For freedom is hindered
Where the imagination
Is shackled and held hostage
To unreasonable obedience
And overbearing oppression.
Industry, good fortune,
Can only exist in environments
Where creativity is allowed its due.
Any government, enterprise, establishment,
Seeking to restrict the imagination,
Creativity, of the persons which abide
Within its jurisdiction will soon
Fall prey to inescapable failure
For creativity is the source
Of innovation, leading competition,
And the bringer of success.
No one wins when creativity
Is stifled by domination
Enacted by those lacking insight
And the blessings of ingenuity.
As a prompt think of how you feel when your ideas or creations are disparaged. Create something that expresses your need to have creative freedom and what losing it might cost.
I am thankful I live in a place where I am free to create, but sometimes I fear this right could be limited or completely abolished if we are not careful to guard it. I am grateful that in the night, my muse comes out to play. I do not always allow the sprite its way during daytime hours. What makes you feel grateful? If you explore this, it might help you find peace, if you lack it.
Thank you so much for visiting Haphazard Creative. I hope you found something to your liking. There is a follow button to click should you wish to avail yourself of that option, if not please come back soon.
Be safe, be aware, be well, keep creating, and believe you have a purpose to fulfill. You are an essential part of life in our world, make use of your creativity and your power. You can accomplish great things and make a significant difference in history.
© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
One of my friends wrote this statement:
Human beings are the only species that is marching willingly to our own extinction. The cadence to which we march is religion.
My rebuttal follows:
The cadence driving humans to demise is selfishness, jealousy, and disrespect and disregard of the rights and responsibilities each of us has in caring for one another. Love is the lack.
Religion can, I admit become a tool of destruction, but the average practitioner of most belief systems is dedicated to doing good and improving the state of his or her fellow human beings.
We were made for freedom and love. These have been cast away by the majority of the figureheads who lead us toward oblivion.
If the people, the others like us, do not reach out in informed consent and alleviate the suffering of those who are less fortunate or otherwise in need of aid, destruction will by all means arrive. We, each of us, who are willing to act as instruments of change within ourselves and our societies can effect lasting good which has the power to turn the tide of human affairs in a positive direction. I am convinced that a person dedicated to love can light the world, and I stand with those who wish to bring more love to anyone impacted by their lives.
End of rebuttal.
There is for me an element that plays into the discussion above, that some might not find relative. I believe that creativity drives us in our loves, our magnificent obsessions. I think that much of our lives is determined by our imaginations. We are drawn to certain beliefs, people, objects, careers, experiences by our creative impulses. All we love is compelled by creativity. We express it throughout our daily lives in ways which we are scarcely aware.
As children, we begin to fantasize who we will become, this is a creative enterprise, and it continues unabated through all our days. We create what we love and desire through effort and purpose. Creativity, our most personal gift, also drives the love we make and share with others. If one wishes to do good in the world, it is likely an inventive way to share love and care will be created to accomplish the benevolence.
My rebuttal deals with a problematic issue. How does one defend a faith in the storms of opposition raging in our world? Also, how does one reframe the discussion, so it deals with love and being a helper to humanity and reality? Those two questions are your prompt if you choose to explore them. You may be of the group that denies the need for belief, if so, frame an argument presenting your thoughts.
Sunday was quiet here, the snow still blankets the acreage, and so silence persists. I am thankful for a day of peace. I finished a book and began a new one. I am always grateful for writers who entertain and enlighten me. I think later this month I shall share the list of titles I completed this year. I am delighted it has been a good year for great books. See if you might come up with a few things for which you are grateful. Gratitude increases satisfaction in the lives of even those who are most discontent.
I hope you found something that challenged you, or encouraged you, on your visit to Haphazard Creative. There is a follow button should you want to click it, if not please come back again soon.
Love is your life, your purpose, your destiny. Claim it and share it widely. Be safe. Remember you can only become so extraordinary as you believe yourself worthy of being. You may set out to slay the dragon, just to find you face the dragon in the mirror. Make a friend of yourself, and you will better prepare to be friends with others.
© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Haphazard Creative 
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