The ancient horse never felt so alone. Crazy remembered, so many years ago the tree that bore him stood among siblings in a dense grove watered by a giggling stream and prickles of incessant rain. He recalled coming alive as a sapling wisp after a voracious rushing wildfire, which only a select few elders survived. Those resilient old ones whispered the secrets of existence, history, life to the youngsters who would carry on.
This is a story start I may work on later. It is something I created days ago in my “Brain Dump Notebook.” I am feeling very unsure of my ability to create right now. Maybe later, I will find the strength to move forward.
I always say when you think your life is worthless, make a gratitude list, so here we go, please understand I feel very little ability to write anything. Valentine’s Day without my Mom was killer. Knowing I will lose my dog soon, is killer.
I am grateful:
- I have this website where I can open my heart and know, no matter what, it is okay because it is mine.
- I have a best friend who has to be one of the best people who have ever, now, and will ever live.
- I made it to church, and even though I got really panicky, I stayed.
- I have a little copy editing work to do.
- I am reading a couple of outstanding books.
- Most people can understand, when you make a negative assertion, your whole attitude is not negative. Only your outlook on that thing is giving you trouble.
- Homemade food at church is delicious.
- The bill I was sent was a mistake. God fixed it.
- I am trying to convince myself I can use a nice notebook. I have beautiful notebooks and journals, even Moleskine. The thing is, what if I make a mistake?
- All mistakes are not detrimental, some become lovely creations. I have had this happen, often.
Okay, see, I got through that. Granted it is not a panacea, but it helped.
A struggle I am working on is sugar. On December 6, 2013, I weighed over 200 pounds. I walked it off and managed potions. Notice I did not say I changed my diet. The last few months sugar has become a monster again. I am still within my safe range, 135 to 140 pounds, but I am on the high end. So, I am eating up what is left of the ton of sugary treats I have accumulated, and I am trying not to replenish them. This is harder than you probably imagine. The photo is before and after, and since then I changed my hair even more.
This entry is all over the place. I am too, like a super bouncing ball. Deal; deal; life goes on and is not done until there is no more.
You may hide it exceedingly well, but there is a good chance there are things that are preying on your peace of mind. As a prompt, let yourself express those killer thoughts in written form. Once they are there, and you can accept them as real and confront them, maybe as monsters, but also as manageable concepts that you can write around, explore, and possibly dismantle, try to put them aside and if only, for now, be loose from their grip on your psyche.
I cannot express how much I needed just to write. I hope I have dissuaded no one from coming here. You had to know by now, that there is an element of the deranged in my makeup. Wildly creative people are often a bit mental. I could go into clinical details, but I will not. I was honest, I think most of you expect that of me. Even when I know it is difficult, I am faithful to who and what I am.
Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I shall make an effort to comport myself with more dignity next time. If you wish to follow, there is a button. Otherwise, I hope you will come back soon. I am working on moving Chronicles under this domain so there will be much more material here to dig into. That blog goes back to 2005 when I began on MSN Spaces. It ported to WordPress, and I made that home.
There is a lot in life that can discombobulate a person, maintain yourself best you can by any means necessary that does no harm to others. You are a creative individual of such magnificent uniqueness that in no time or place have you, or will you, be replicated. You have gifts, talents, and abilities that are ideally suited for use in this exact period of history. Do not squander them by letting yourself be convinced that you are any less than a superhuman. God made you, and last I checked, God never made a mistake. Yeah, and I could really do with having this recorded and played on a continuous loop. LOL!
Be careful out there, my friends. Be aware, be watchful, and by all means stay safe. God Bless and Keep You, Everyday, Everyway, Always and Forever.
© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan