Bullets Obey the Lord

Morgan woke up about 9am that Saturday morning. She had meeting Peyton on her mind. As she put on her well-worn jeans, her Mom had patched with red velvet to cover the holes, and around the cuffs, she thought how happy she was to have a boyfriend. He would not admit they were a couple to anyone else and she was not allowed to tell anyone. Having a guy who liked her was exciting, though the secrecy alarmed her at times.

She was thirteen, and he was a little older, he had talked her into intimacy months ago, maybe a little more forcefully than she hoped. There were misgivings, her upbringing did not hold with such, she was a Christian and knew she was very wrong. Considering what went on at home, well, it could not be as crazy as all that.

The sky was the cloudless cerulean of early Spring, and she walked down the street to the cul-de-sac. She kept checking that no one was paying attention to her. Walking past her brother’s house was a bit nerve-wracking. People might be sleeping late, she hoped so anyway.

Peyton’s parents and siblings were out of town. He and Morgan decided a few days earlier, it would be a perfect time for them to meet. She knocked once, and he ushered her through the door he opened.

“Let’s go to my parents’ room. They have a waterbed, and it will be nice,” he said.

She followed him, noting he had not kissed her as was usual. The room was large, and the bed was king size. She had never been on a waterbed before. It was unnerving being in his parents’ bedroom. It did not seem right and added to the feeling of unease. Never were their illicit meetings comfortable, her conscience screamed at her each time, but this was almost undoable.

He was rougher than usual and seemed in a great hurry. There were no tender kisses or caresses, only an act that could almost be called rape, but Morgan had taken off her own clothes. You could not accuse someone of something when you walked yourself into the situation willingly.

“Get your clothes on, now,” he said, immediately upon conclusion of the act.

She began putting on her clothes. Peyton crossed the room to the dresser, and she heard a drawer slide open. He turned around presenting a .38 Special in his hand, spun the cylinder, showing her all the chambers were empty. Then he put a bullet in the revolver. Morgan was still dressing, and now her fingers began to lose the ability to work correctly.

He said, “We’re going to play Russian Roulette, and you are the target.”

“You love me, this is a joke, right?” She said, still wrestling with the buttons on the shirt.

He came over, spun the cylinder, put the gun against her temple, and pulled the trigger in quick succession three or maybe, four times.

Morgan ran out of the room without being fully dressed.

Peyton yelled, “I never want to see you again, or I will kill you.”

The neighborhood was small, so it was impossible that they never see one another, but Morgan never went near him again. She could tell no one what happened because then she would have to admit the affair, so one more secret was added to a multitude of others.

She thought it over and over again. The only explanation for her survival after the chamber was spun and Peyton pulled the trigger was, wrong as she was to be there, Jesus saved her. It did not wholly curb the wildness, but it slowed her down, likely keeping her from more trouble than she may have entertained.

One day, years later, Peyton brought his heavily pregnant wife to meet her. She was never sure of the purpose of this introduction but supposed him to be gloating. A time later she learned he ruthlessly abused his wife. Eventually, he killed a woman and was executed for causing the death.

The Lord delivered Morgan from years of pain by letting her leave that killing field. Perhaps she did not learn all the lessons she might have from those events, but she came away convinced that life had a purpose and that living was a treasure. Humans might be disobedient and make unwise choices, but God was and is always in control.

Have We Any Worth?

Why are all we satisfied with living lives less than our dreams? Were we not made for excellence, abundance? Where did we step out of our destiny? Why do we fail to claim our given birthright?

The answer to these is not ambiguous. FEAR! Fear holds us imprisoned in our thoughts of inadequacy. We accept less than we want because we name ourselves unworthy, incapable, broken, undeserving. We have ingested these ideas about ourselves for multiple years. We take our mistakes and label them failures, and character defects, instead of opportunities to move forward to success. One mistake can destroy our dreams. We carry our sins as weapons and criticisms that pierce our souls and destroy our hope. Perhaps, if we are Christ followers, we will deposit our sins to His account, often only temporarily; we will take them back, with additional weight because we know we should let them go. We kill our will to overcome obstacles by focusing on the times we fell short of expectations instead of celebrating the victories.

We love, we work to prove we care and love others, but turn the venom of fear-born hate upon ourselves. Sometimes we are our worst enemies. Part of Mark 12:31 states, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Often, we focus on “love your neighbor,” and completely disregard, “as yourself.” To be healthy and fully share our hearts we must be kind, respectful, generous, and loving toward ourselves. Not that we should become narcissistic or egotistical, but we need to understand that the person in the mirror has worth, just as does the child down the hall. Unfortunately, we can in our attitudes, thoughts, words, be unkind, even hateful to ourselves in ways we would never dare to treat anyone else.

When we live in the guilt, dishonor, disrespect, unkindness, hate, we often pour upon ourselves there is little room for us to claim the success for which we were created and that we so richly deserve. We denigrate ourselves to levels of impoverishment where we cannot achieve anything near the rewards our lives are capable of generating.

We must choose to recognize ourselves as worthy. Worthy of the beauty in which we exist, worthy of the accomplishment we are capable of building, worthy of the love we desire, worthy of exceeding the levels of happiness within which we live, worthy of fulfilling our dreams and having the life we wish.

This is a challenge, fear is rampant, only by realizing we can conquer can we dispel the enemy. We, with creativity, can break out of the shackles of fear and move into the lives we were designed to live. Write a plan, do not give up, make it happen. You are stronger than you recognize. Dragons may arise, but remember we are able as scribes to conquer dragons.

My Critic Delayed This

#2018-05-04 Face Your Fear

I tell you all to create; that you are creative. I did the above on May 4, my critic said I could not post it. It was not good enough, it was a dumb idea, poorly executed. It is true, I used to do better. My critic stopped my art.

I want you to know, that critic in your head when it tells you negative things before you even begin, and when you have made something, it is a liar. I like that song, “Fear is a Liar.” Look it up, and listen.

Face your fear, do not let it stop you from helping change the world. Your creativity is desperately needed. If you know, something is not all you want it to be, practice. No one became a master at anything without trying, mistakes, and continued training (self-teaching).

No matter what your mind, another human, a boss, a parent, a teacher tells you; if there is an attempt to stop your hopes and dreams, the advice is false, a lie. You are endowed with creativity and greatness. Let no one, and nothing convince you differently.

I fight this. Fear is a problem. We have to have the courage to be ourselves in a world where many follow the crowd. We are originals, all of us are unique, blessed with different vision, dreams, talents, gifts, and abilities. If we expect the world to be better, we must make it.

Prompt: Create something you have been considering, but your critic blew you off. All of us have something like that, I know you do.

I am grateful:

I slept good Thursday.
I have my new friends from Nigeria, they call me, it is so awesome.
Ham sandwiches.
Animal crackers.
Heritage Baptist Church, Douglasville, Georgia.

Speak no invective
To any living creature;
Our Judge knows each one.

Mother’s Day Without

It has not been a year,
But your absence is a void
I will never fill;
The love you gave
There is none other
Could replace its totality.

I try to forgive
The fact I did
Not appreciate you
Nearly enough;
I find no absolution,
No mending the pain.

The tears come less
Often like a deluge,
I am trying to build
A life I can inhabit,
But there is no
Denying the missing pieces.

I realize you would advise,
Be strong, happy, active,
Continue to create,
But Mama it is hard
Without your love, hugs,
Presence when I am weak.

I miss you like
The waves would the shore,
The stones would the earth,
The sun would the sky,
The moon would the night,
Without you, I am almost undone.

Yet, now, writing this
I know you know
All the things I cannot,
Will not say and you love me,
You always have, always will,
And I will see you again someday.

So thank you, Mama,
For giving me this life,
Believing in me,
Always loving me.
I will continue, I will succeed,
I will be who you thought I could be.

I have more, but this is sufficient. I bid you be well, be happy, create, share love all you can, be a friend to someone, never forget everyone is trying to overcome something, so live gently in the world.

Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. You know the deal, follow if you like, if not come back as you will.

God Bless and much love to all,
Jo Ann

Art?

2018-4-25_Believe_In_Your_Best_Dream

It is not always where you have been that matters, or even where you are in the present, where you are going can be reason enough to keep working for your dreams.

No matter where you are, what you have, what you are doing or trying to do, you are enough. You are a perfect example of love loosed in the world, and you can have an impact beyond what you imagine.

Love must seek after
Love returned, renewed, carried
Unto completion,
It is for naught until shared
Until given another.

Humans are a breed
Creatively endowed to
Change all around us
Enhancing our existence;
Then seeking simplicity.

To become content
With ourselves is a lifetime
Task few can master.

As a creative prompt list your fondest dream, then imagine how you can achieve it. If you have not already begun working on it, lay out some plans.

I am grateful:

I feel better today than yesterday.
I managed to get some laundry done.
I am fed and clothed.
Hope is still here.
Music is pleasant.

I have been away a while, there were reasons, but my reasons do not much matter. I am meant to be a writer, and writing I should do.

Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I hope you will either follow via the button or visit again. May you find the things for which you search and achieve what you dream.

Sunday, Not According to Plan

Sunday morning, I was going to church. I showered, dressed, loaded the Explorer, got in, turned the key and nothing happened. Therefore, I stayed home. This was not my plan. We make plans, life intervenes, it has ever been so. I did a little writing in journals, so I shall share it with you.

Make sure you share yourself generously with those you love and assure them of your affection and love. Life is a mystery, it comes sudden, and it departs without permission. The most important gift we are given is the honor of sharing our dear ones’ life. No promises we make, nothing we plan, no conditions or happiness are guaranteed. Live, live abundantly, unselfishly, trusting, caring, sharing, and loving with all you are, because this second is all you can be confident you own.

You may be able to break faith with your creative impulse, that is not a luxury I am privy to. Only God has more of a claim to me than does creativity, especially writing. Because it makes demands know in my daily relationship with my mind, and the Spirit is more gentle, the compulsion to make the words known is often very strong. If you can tame your intellect, bravo to you. Mine has me in a vise grip.

The Samsung cell phone and I are often at war. I am always trying to maximize it for my use. What is most disconcerting is when it disappears my apps or adds some I was not asked did I want. We are at a ceasefire at present. I made major changes.

Lots of people complain about rain, but I love rain. It means there will be water in the reservoirs, to nurture flowers, trees, and crops, and it washes the air so I may breathe easier. Yes, it is messy, and sometimes no fun, but the benefits outweigh the inconveniences.

I think you might use appreciation for others as your prompt and explore what is lost when someone passes from this plane.

A heart fully shared
Is an original gift
Only you can give.

I hope your week is progressing well and to your satisfaction. Even troublesome days have rainbow moments. Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I would love to know your thoughts on this posting. Should you wish to follow the website, there is a button, if not, please come back whenever possible.

As each day passes
Remember you must forgive
To completely live.

No one will remember your Facebook statuses or tweets on Twitter, but if you spend time face to face, you will insert yourself indelibly in their memory.

No broken person
Avoided, forgotten, goes
Without compassion,
Because the shattered can see
Holes in the fabric of time.

Look to God for your joy, and you will be less disappointed than if you depend on your things. May the Lord go with you every day and every way. Blessings to you now and always.