Sometimes, A Heartbreak

The formatting is off in this post. I cannot repair it. My apologies.

Today, my heart is broken for our world, our country, our states, our neighborhoods, all of us. There are many hurting people. Those who have lost friends, family, loved ones; lost treasured pets, who are in pain, who have chronic illnesses, who have terminal diseases, whose relationships are battered or shattered, who cannot beat addiction, who are terrified for their children. There are job losses, financial losses, unbearable debt, mental distress, poverty, hunger, homelessness, war, bullying, and I could probably go on forever. Our world is a troubled and violent place. Safety is hardly real, the risk is constant, death is a breath away.

Some scoff at the name of Jesus, some say they do not need prayers, only actions. When I grew up, prayer was constant and all over. It was not consigned to obscurity. I do not remember life being such a tenuous proposition then. We believed in the good of one another. God has been sent away, and the increase in troubles keeps multiplying. Love has become rare, lust more common, hate a regular outcry.

You may disregard God as you wish, but I pray He finds you. This world needs Jesus, it requires the love only God can provide. Lives need saving. Let those of us who will, abide in Christ’s love, and share it with everyone we meet. People need love. Love can redeem lives. Let each of us be messengers, soothing hands, transmitting the love of the Savior to our communities. We must go, for they must hear and know, for the Lord sends us, and we are His to command.

When I am haunted, I sleep little, and my mind requires that I write. Perhaps, you would have me write otherwise. I am given words, it is not so much a choice as an outpouring over which my control is meager. I understand some may disbelieve that statement, but it has always been the way with me.

Struggle continues

My mind dislikes obeying
The commands I give
It has its own words and ways
I am a vessel of clay.

Shall I be thankful? It is my usual way. I am grateful:

1. My son grew up with a heart and an intention to serve.

2. I spoke my truth, and it cost, perhaps I should learn to curb my honesty when it has the barbs in.

3. I am blessed with topics and words lately.

4. I am getting a little sleep with the aid of a medication cocktail that helps curb my pain. Not opioids or anything addictive for those who might have a concern. My usual meds, plus some NSAIDs.

5. I made some calls and clarified my needs with some businesses. One was insurance, I have a problematic relationship with coverage, but anyway.

6. The ice maker does work, it only requires you provide it with, newsflash, water.

7. I paid bills, bills are evidence you have things in your life, those are blessings. Therefore the need to make payments shows you are provided for by God’s sufficiency.

As a prompt, explain your faith or lack thereof. Consider how you can exhibit faith conjoined with love. Create something that embodies your belief.

I do so appreciate your visit here at Haphazard Creative. You are always welcome and invited to return. Should you want, there is a follow button which will subscribe you to updates. I am freezing. TMI. This world needs love, which entails being courageous enough to reach out benevolently to the people we encounter each day or night, I guess. So I encourage you to put that gorgeous, ice-melting smile on your face and express the friendliness that abides in your soul. You can give your love away as often as you will, and it will be replenished, so you never run out, and the really cool thing, love will return to you. Be grateful, be hopeful, but be careful and aware, keep yourself from danger what you can. God Bless and Keep You, Everyday, Everyway, Forever and Always.

If you missed them, there are previous posts you may wish to read. I have done some exceptional writing of late.

Cry Of A Skirmish, Become Battle

I have these two hands

Chock full of everything and

Nothing matters but

The fact loneliness, silence

Surround me with a woven

Shourd spun by a spider huge

Enough to swallow camels

Unable to pass through needles.

Still this fight, it is my fight

I will not give up, nor quit;

Nobody, nothing has ever

Beaten me, and now is no

Time to embrace my defeat.

Sure, I have been down, fallen,

But being at the bottom

Is not a place to concede,

The floor is sure beneath you

So you build, build skyscrapers

Rockets, starships, transporters;

Choose the future, create

Technology to carry

You where you wish to begin.

Even if you use only words

Describing the dreams held up

To challenge the entropy

Chaos that dwell threatening

In the dust and grime that swirl

Eroding marvels some worship.

What they do not know, cannot

Be told them, refusing the message

You cannot make them submit

It will be, if it will be,

When it happens, if it does.

You just be you, and be best

That you can be, that you know

How, love has you, and you have

Love enough to inspire, incite

Others to find the greatness

Contained beneath decaying skin

In the very heart of the self

Who is a wisp of shallow breath,

Evanescent, easily

Aborted in the crush of

Moments that slip quick away

Like motes in passing sunbeams.

Rush to the helm, take the wheel,

Drive your ship with dignity,

Care, choose your freight with delight

Do not weigh yourself excessively

Accepting problems others

Create for you, find solutions

No one can attempt besides you.

There is trouble, sadness, tears,

But those are not destiny;

Destiny lies at a time,

Beyond time, a place outside

Space, the heart contains the seeds

Of creativity, eternity,

The ability to transcend

To love deeper and wider

Than imagination knows.

Children of the Creator,

Children of the Forever King,

We are capable of living

Abundance, Heaven on Earth.

Broken, shattered, maybe, but

Keep watching, there are miracles

Unbelievable, we are yet to see.

I know the ending of the story

And the triumphal winner

Calls us, Beloved, and He

Saves us eternally.

These last two poems are a bit unusual for me. My gratitude list and prompt are in the first of the three entries I have made today. I realize no one liked it, but it had worth.

I am grateful my creativity knows no bounds and that my voice is mine. Being creative, being an original, is one thing no one can take away.

As a prompt, think about the above statement. What freedom, what license does it give you?

Through Tears, Encouragement

Somehow we have to hang on.

Don’t ask me how

because my grip is fading.

Remember though,

if we are not strong

enough to go on,

the world we made

will disappear, and those

we love will never know

who they could be

with us at their sides.

Maybe, we can hope,

the world will be a little

more grounded, a little

more real, have a little

more love because

we are willing to grapple

reality and pin it down.

We can make it what it

has to be for us to

keep on, keeping on.

We are not cowards

because we hurt,

we are oceans of tears

that wash away the evil

and redeem it in love

that is stronger than

the giants that oppose us.

No matter, we are

the victors, because we

create what will drive us

through the future and

banish the pain, a ghost

we refuse to allow to haunt.

All the unhappiness

is a shade, passing before

the window, hiding the light,

but the Son, the love

remains, we just have

to dispel the shadow.

A Horse Called Crazy

Carousel Horses The ancient horse never felt so alone. Crazy remembered, so many years ago the tree that bore him stood among siblings in a dense grove watered by a giggling stream and prickles of incessant rain. He recalled coming alive as a sapling wisp after a voracious rushing wildfire, which only a select few elders survived. Those resilient old ones whispered the secrets of existence, history, life to the youngsters who would carry on.

This is a story start I may work on later. It is something I created days ago in my “Brain Dump Notebook.” I am feeling very unsure of my ability to create right now. Maybe later, I will find the strength to move forward.

I always say when you think your life is worthless, make a gratitude list, so here we go, please understand I feel very little ability to write anything. Valentine’s Day without my Mom was killer. Knowing I will lose my dog soon, is killer.

I am grateful:

I have this website where I can open my heart and know, no matter what, it is okay because it is mine.
I have a best friend who has to be one of the best people who have ever, now, and will ever live.
I made it to church, and even though I got really panicky, I stayed.
I have a little copy editing work to do.
I am reading a couple of outstanding books.
Most people can understand, when you make a negative assertion, your whole attitude is not negative. Only your outlook on that thing is giving you trouble.
Homemade food at church is delicious.
The bill I was sent was a mistake. God fixed it.
I am trying to convince myself I can use a nice notebook. I have beautiful notebooks and journals, even Moleskine. The thing is, what if I make a mistake?
All mistakes are not detrimental, some become lovely creations. I have had this happen, often.

Okay, see, I got through that. Granted it is not a panacea, but it helped.

A struggle I am working on is sugar. On December 6, 2013, I weighed over 200 pounds. I walked it off and managed potions. Notice I did not say I changed my diet. The last few months sugar has become a monster again. I am still within my safe range, 135 to 140 pounds, but I am on the high end. So, I am eating up what is left of the ton of sugary treats I have accumulated, and I am trying not to replenish them. This is harder than you probably imagine. The photo is before and after, and since then I changed my hair even more.

Before and After

This entry is all over the place. I am too, like a super bouncing ball. Deal; deal; life goes on and is not done until there is no more.

You may hide it exceedingly well, but there is a good chance there are things that are preying on your peace of mind. As a prompt, let yourself express those killer thoughts in written form. Once they are there, and you can accept them as real and confront them, maybe as monsters, but also as manageable concepts that you can write around, explore, and possibly dismantle, try to put them aside and if only, for now, be loose from their grip on your psyche.

I cannot express how much I needed just to write. I hope I have dissuaded no one from coming here. You had to know by now, that there is an element of the deranged in my makeup. Wildly creative people are often a bit mental. I could go into clinical details, but I will not. I was honest, I think most of you expect that of me. Even when I know it is difficult, I am faithful to who and what I am.

Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I shall make an effort to comport myself with more dignity next time. If you wish to follow, there is a button. Otherwise, I hope you will come back soon. I am working on moving Chronicles under this domain so there will be much more material here to dig into. That blog goes back to 2005 when I began on MSN Spaces. It ported to WordPress, and I made that home.

There is a lot in life that can discombobulate a person, maintain yourself best you can by any means necessary that does no harm to others. You are a creative individual of such magnificent uniqueness that in no time or place have you, or will you, be replicated. You have gifts, talents, and abilities that are ideally suited for use in this exact period of history. Do not squander them by letting yourself be convinced that you are any less than a superhuman. God made you, and last I checked, God never made a mistake. Yeah, and I could really do with having this recorded and played on a continuous loop. LOL!

Be careful out there, my friends. Be aware, be watchful, and by all means stay safe. God Bless and Keep You, Everyday, Everyway, Always and Forever.

No Dove, A Tempest

Like others, you may
Have thought poetry simple,
Being sometimes short,
But no, that is mistaken,
Discounting shots to the heart.

A poem is more than
Words on a page, it is breath
From somewhere foreign
A rare exhale from strange worlds
In which standard rules vanish.

No soft-spoken dove
Fluttering gently about,
More intense tempest
Uprooting structures revered
By mortals who love safety.

The poet, a rebel
Stirring the atmosphere meant
To hold, control us,
Shouts: Awake! Breathe deep! Join life!
Change tumbles from written lines.

I wrote the poem earlier in my “Brain Dump Notebook.” If you do not already possess one of these, I suggest you get one for your ideas that come without notice. Mine is a cheap notebook. I also have a sketchbook for more artistic designs, but being mostly a writer, I use it seldom.

I have mentioned I believe all humans are creative. As a prompt, I would like to suggest you contemplate the following questions: What is the meaning and purpose of my life? Why am I here? Answer the questions best you can and consider how you can create an experience that fulfills what you answer. If you need to make changes, make the course corrections you must to move toward those things that have the most meaning.

When we create, there is the need to inject love into our work so that we may be about making the world a better place for all humans and other beings who are influenced by our creation. We should avoid causing harm in any way.

I am grateful:

I finished reading, Origen by Dan Brown. I highly recommend it, and on a scale of 1-5, I give it a 10.
I played throw the toy, and go fetch it, to throw it again, with the dogs for about an hour.
I have walked a lot today. I hurt, but that is the way of it.
Levenger, I have nothing else to say.
I have a tremendous collection of books, today I searched for one because Amazon keeps advertising it at me. I knew I had it. FOUND IT!
Paid some bills. Always good when there is a way to do that.
Started reading, The Whispering Room by Dean Koontz. Candy reading at its most superb.

I hope you are engaging your imagination on a regular basis and creating what you may. It is crucial that we bring new ideas, new thoughts, new designs, into being. We must clarify meaning and love in the world. You are precious and priceless. What you make matters.

Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I hope you found something worth your thought and time. There is a follow button, or if you prefer, just come back soon. This world would not be what it is today were it not for individuals with creative minds that strive to reach beyond the ordinary boundaries. Be the one to pioneer, to discover, to create the next great thing. You have it in you.

As you traverse the earth during your days, be awake, be aware, never let yourself be so distracted you fail to notice what you must. Take care, be safe, and God Bless You, Everyday, Everyway, Always and Forever.