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Sitting on the sidelines
Worried we are not enough
Scared to walk into the fire
But the promise keeps calling,
A whisper of day-stirring hope.

The wind through the grass
Carves an absolute path we know,
We believe Love wants us
To have wishes, dreams, come true,
Because God treasures us.

His cry, do not doubt, never fear
For precious beloved, I Am near
Lay depression, despair, destruction
Aside and stand in My Light,
None are rejected or forsaken.

Walk forward, head held high;
Christ is with us in every way.

Tanka

We exchange our time
For fulfilling our desires,
Fragile happiness,
Where love and relationship
Are the needs without compare.

*****

Harms often find us
But these never define us;
Victories make us,
What love willingly bestows
Our hearts share, among others.

*****

A life born today
New unto the world will change
With love, those soon touched,
For every person gifts us
With hopes, dreams, blessings, anew.

*****

What cannot be done
Does not explain that which can
For our strength is found
Despite the fragility
Built on our infirmities.

*****

Tanka is a five-line syllabic form with counts 5-7-5-7-7. I enjoy counting syllables, so I use them a lot. If you like, as a prompt, write some tanka of your own.

I have a longer piece coming if I can decide whether to scan it or type it. Although I have typed for a very long time, I find little joy in it. The Remington Rand and Royal might have something to do with that. Thankfully, my Microsoft keyboard is a bit less taxing than were the manual typewriters. Yes, I remember when but make no mistake. I am a native here, now.

I hope your day was joyful, and your burdens were light. All life is a celebration rejoicing at the moment.

I think suffering may be provided to magnify joy; when the night is darkest, the light appears brightest.

Insomnia

I do not know how others do it. Many just fall into this thing called sleep. For me, it is a challenge, a runaway I cannot catch. I want it, believe me, I dream of it, but it evades me.

I have Schizo-Affective disorder, which among other annoyances and gifts, means that losing sleep can catapult me into psychosis. Nowhere I want to travel because my symptoms are ever-present, but in psychosis, I entirely lose reality. I am compliant on medication, but for about two weeks, my brain will not turn off, and my pain recommends destruction.

Two to four hours of rest is insufficient. Insomnia is a unique brand of torture. In a pandemic, it is a thing of unusual cruelty.

Posting this may be too much information, but one day, perhaps someone will want to understand these struggles. I love having long days, but it is essential to plunge beneath the stream of Lethe for some hours.

I am uncertain what has caused this prolonged disturbance. Almost always, my meds send me into slumber, but not recently.

The battles with my hyperactive mind have increased. Not a problem yet, but let’s not ride the boat over the falls.

Anyway, that is my condition note. What quest are you all on?

As a prompt, think about something has become a sign of this pandemic in your life. Not only losing mobility in the world but an effect that you are experiencing personally. Create a work that gives this authenticity.

I will come about with a more typical post later.

Ex-Pres-Sions

Words Are Dodgy

When the writing screams
You must be lying, joking,
To believe I will
Do your bidding, my ideas
Are none of your mind’s concern.
Then is the moment
To double the commitment,
Producing the work
While knowing no one can make
Every line sing perfectly.
Submit to the sound
Faraway, interpreted,
The fury hides, guides,
Melody binds harmony
Poetry awakes, licks air.
Taste sudden wonder
For magic comes, awakens,
Touches warming skin
Overrides every sorrow
Bursts open needed blessings.
“They are only words,”
Ah, so we could keep them all
Never speaking out,
Not carrying the pleasure,
But no, we must ever share.

*****

A dream though lofty
Stumbles toward the spotlight,
Proclaiming itself
Everything searched for before,
Nothing we can now ignore.

*****

Hungry for success
Many have tried to become
Someone they were not,
Finding themselves empty, tired,
Unhappy, returning bored.

I finally found a lighter mood. A conversation brought it from a distant place. To add emphasis, the music took over, so here we are. I hope all are well. This world has become a bit daunting, but we are still here, and the fight is not over. I appreciate your visit. I hope you will follow the site or often return.

I have decided to post this on two of my acres of cyberspace. My primary place to post is now Haphazard Creative, should you wish to explore my newer work, please follow me there.

It Ain’t Over

In December of 2013, I needed a watch. I had a Samsung Galaxy S3, but I have always needed time at hand because I do not do time. I ordered an Invicta from Amazon, and it was damaged when I got it. I saw something somewhere that the Samsung Gear would be released in December. It would have a pedometer.

At this point, I weighed in over 200 pounds. I found out the date of the Gear release knowing it would sync with the S3, and I went that day to Best Buy and got one. That changed my life.

I used the pedometer and an app called MyFitnessPal and journaled in a notebook each day. By the end of 2014, I lost over sixty pounds.

Losing my mother and my beloved Hope caused extreme stress and threatened all I had done. More recently, I have fallen back into my binging due mostly to depression and feeling less than worthy. I have gained some weight. Now when I need support most, MyFitnessPal has begun predatory pop-up ads. I will not deal with advertising. I took the app, after almost seven years, off my devices. I still walk, lots of days over 20,000 steps. The pain I experience makes this a trial.

Now, I am not counting calories for the first time in ages. I know what to do. I am trained. So, I am working this in a new way. If I can avoid the binging, I will lose back down, but I am a sweet nut. Nutella, Airheads, Peppermint Patties, Hershey’s Chocolate, we could go on, binging is hard to give up.

Understand, I have worked so many programs since I was a teen. I know nutrition, I know exercise. Most of us do, the thing is staying stabilized emotionally so we can work the loss. Eating is comfort, consumption is companionship, food is the reward. This is a battle for our lives. Make no mistake, fat cripples, and obesity kills.

Today, I wanted to drive to Douglasville, go to Dairy Queen, and have a Large M&M Blizzard. I had a headache because I was craving so hard. I took a nap. I later made a glass of Almond Milk with Pure Honey, mixed and mixed and mixed. I did not have that over 1000 calories of Blizzard today.

It is the small victories added up over time that win the war. I am going to take that frigging hill again. You can too. We should never die young.