No Consolation

Anger

Is it this situation, out of hand,
Where the world is wrong making
Plenty of tension, anxiety, no escape?
Playing on emotions deeply
Currying favor with the violence
Held at bay, so forbidden, hidden.
An open hand when the instinct
Offers up a fist, a calm insistent,
Instead of a horrid scream, hiss.
What are these breaking sounds
Within the heart, the mind, what
Damage made while keeping kind.

Lay Lay By

The days trace themselves
Across the surface; straw, dirt,
Shelter, foliage, rock, hair, skin –
Leaving marks, weather, pass,
Time, months, past, again, ever,
Until the season goes, slippery,
No one knows if it will bring
Forth another day, hour, free –
Or if as the day goes by it may
Be the last lay by into eternity.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Sometimes looking into the sun becomes a bright too clear, and the shadows impinge on vision. There can be beauty in the shadows, as well. We would not know the blessing of comfort did we not experience pain.

Today has been reflective, with missing those gone. Also, grief for all we have lost in this time of isolation. I bid you hope that all is more pleasant for you.

Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I hope you will follow the site if you are new here, or that you may find your way back again.

As a prompt, face your feelings, explore what is within you at present. Create something that encompasses your emotion.

Situations 1, 2, Something More

First, we shall begin with a story start. Sometimes I just noodle around with things and see where it takes me. I am a No Filter, No Boundaries sort of person when it comes to creativity.

*****

Morgan walked across the pavement cleanly edged with green, to what could be a gothic castle. Turrets, stained glass, rock walls, but closer, partial bars on the windows. No, it clearly was not a castle. In the near distance, the painstakingly manicured lawn was broken and dotted with marble monuments. The building was a handsomely disguised mausoleum, a repository of the dead.

She had roamed the halls where a voice could echo off marble timelessly, numerous times. Even a whisper could carry room to room.

She was allowed all over the vast building and knew the attic was a storage facility for emergency rations and necessities in case some disaster struck the metropolis.

Morgan hoped she was wrong, but she also knew a considerable waste disposal dump lay adjacent, just beyond the lawn of careful plots. She wondered when the dump reached capacity, would the graves seed it with resting bodies?

Those thoughts she pondered from time to time, but just now, she sought the coolness inside the imagined castle and shadows of comfort after the Summer heat had toasted her, and the bright white light almost made her blind.

As she opened the heavy door, the quiet took her by force. It nearly enveloped her in peace. Peace, however, was not hers to be had.

*****

This next is about today’s experience.

I avoid going out, but my stores of food, particularly dog food, were depleted. I ate lunch at Del Taco, I had lunch for $1.75. I had to correct the person at the drive-thru when I made my order. I think she thought I was upset, but it was not that, I just wanted it right and I have this voice thing. If I get in any way excited, I get louder. I hate it, but I have no way to control it. I promise I try, but… sometimes I really do not like how I am.

I went to Sam’s Club. All over the store, they have moved things around. Put that on top of my usual anxiety with being out in public, and I almost had a bad situation. I spent about three times the moments I would generally have in there today, and I never found some things I wanted, needed.

I came home and unloaded. The dogs would not eat, though they were excited about having food. I fed them by hand for a bit.

I have tried to relax, but this has not been a better day.

*****

The sunshine, the rain,
The grass, pines, dandelions,
Look, comfort abounds.

*****

Find me in the deep
Of thought where anxiety
Is no longer freed.

As a prompt, create something about situations you have faced recently or some you imagine.

I hope your day was pleasant, and you accomplished what you intended. If not, resolve to find better solutions on the morrow.

Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I am so glad you took the time to see what is here. I hope you will follow the site or return as your leisure grants. Comments and suggestions are welcomed.

May God Bless and Keep You and Yours in all you do.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Becoming Through

Some scars are deeper
Than upon elbows, knees, shins;
Never closing, healing,
Perhaps scabbed over only
To burst back open again.
We all have one, two,
Some more, a whole multitude,
Kept silent, hidden,
Or just below the surface
Often screaming to be heard.
Our scars define us,
In ways, we never intend,
But we can break free;
Grow into deep dignity
Send pain finally to flee.

*****

The first two lines of this came to me lying in bed, where I hoped to rest, but mostly did not because I ache. Yes, that is not proper and all sunny, but I am fighting right now like crazy. Ah, and speaking of crazy, it is not just physical pain. It is okay, though, as long as there is pain, I am confident I am alive.

It is not often something demands to be written. This did. I hope you are having an extraordinarily good week. Please stay safe, and remember, no matter what is now, your life is precious and has purpose and meaning. Thank you for taking the time to read Haphazard Creative. You may follow the site or come back as you can if you like. If you have a comment to share, that would be super.

As a prompt, create work about something that tracks the edge of acceptability or slips on over the line.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

They Did Not Get The Memo

One of the questions I had today at my appointment was about medications, especially ones that might be contributing to weight gain and uncontrollable appetite. All of them, it turns out, but they did not want to make changes.

They said I should exercise. I said I am already walking 20,000 or more steps on most days. The question then was, how do I do that? I said I read while walking, and I do it inside. They told me, no, no, that is no good you have to be outside. Maybe ride a bike, which I told them is bad on my knees. I have to have shots for my knees because of the pain.

Here is the real deal. I lost 65 pounds walking inside the house and kept it off for almost seven years. I cannot walk outside because I cannot breathe out there.

This evening, I revved it up a few notches by playing a selection of my favorite hits and letting myself go with the music. The real demon in this thing is hunger. The people who help me manage my mind cannot help with my weight, so I must make it happen again. I will, because I know I can.

If you have something hard you are facing, do not let anyone tell you that you must do it their way. If your way works for you, work it. You know yourself, your abilities, better than any expert who is on the outskirts of your life. I believe we are strong. I could explain, but all you need to know is that you are capable. There is nothing that can stand against you when you put your mind and heart into accomplishing something.

Rock on…

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Oh, I moved the icons for the social media services off of the front home screen on my phone. I have not opened them on tabs in Chrome since I said I was leaving. Funny how I feel better, and how I seem to have more time. The experiment is going well.

Beginning an Experiment

The environment on social media has become increasingly toxic, and as the election nears, I expect that trend to escalate. I am taking some time off, or at least decreasing my time investment, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

I waste a lot of time on those generally. You may, too. I have some goals that will involve time expended, so I hope to recover a few hours here and there.

This does not preclude future engagement, it is just a sabbatical. I need to know if those influences are harming my attitude and reinforcing negative habits. I have reason to believe that time on social media is not a positive contribution to life.

I will be here because this is my forum. Hopefully, the readership will increase, but my commitment to posting daily will not abate. It is a vow I made to myself, contingent on none other. I wanted to work again like I did in the past, so far, I have exceeded my expectations. I believe I am doing good work, possibly improving with practice.

If you are distressed by postings, disturbed by attitudes, find yourself wishing the ads did not ruin your surfing, perhaps you should consider taking some time off from Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter as well. I am not saying everything about them is terrible, but I think there is evidence that taking a close look at our consumption is prudent. I am making the break for now.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan