Allegiance

It is not like me
To dwell here inside my flesh;
My mind is often
An aptly chosen abode,
Words my finest furniture.
You, however, call
Me into reality,
My visions react
To your being with growing
Hopes, you may one day love me.
Time beating unkind
Reverts to seeming stillness
When you hold me near;
Better dreams, futures appear,
We, together, display promise.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

What you see is quite different from what came out in my journal (in Kindness Pink ink), but I think it serves well. Again, I used the syllable counts for tanka and strung three together.

I keep thinking I will find some other forms, but I have almost always been a Free Verse poet. It is hard to break the habits of a lifetime.

What forms do you like? Can you illustrate one?

If you are another type of writer or artist, what patterns do you see in your work? Can you break with those, change things up?

I went to the library yesterday. Oh, what a treasure trove I amassed. I appeased my dragon self with a horde of books. No zombies though, no, done with those for now, maybe ever.

Creativity on the Loose

A couple of exercises for us all:
Our eyes tell us the outlines of the world, and our minds supply the stories. Look around you, wherever you are. Pay close attention. What abstracts and descriptors appear within sight? Maybe there are poems, novels, and short stories to be written, or your vision calls you to art.

Secondly, I realize this year has been challenging, but think about your favorite part thus far. Create something that celebrates it. As a bonus, make a plan stating how you can bring about such pleasure again. Try to facilitate what lights up your soul.

Most of my day so far was spent copy editing, but I finished.

If you look around Haphazard Creative, you may notice I made some changes. I tried to streamline the widgets, and I updated the About page.

I put Halloween decor out on September 1 – but decided to bring some here today. I like all the smiles of Halloween; maybe you do too.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

What Good’s In You?

The Journal Writing prompt today is: Make a list of 20 things you like about yourself.

Believe it or not, this is going to be a difficult assignment. The thing is, according to my mood, I can tolerate myself or hate myself. The tendency toward antipathy is strong.

Here goes:

  1.  I am creative.
  2.  I love deeply and extravagantly.
  3.  The son I raised is an outstanding success.
  4.  I am a writer.
  5.  I am an artist (perhaps not a very good one, but I have some gifts).
  6.  I choose never to stop learning.
  7.  I want to be like Jesus.
  8.  I made my Mom’s final years bearable and kept her at home.
  9.  I do not allow Schizo-Affective Disorder to defeat me, though sometimes it is touch and go.
  10. I have excellent taste.
  11. Animals love me.
  12. Children love me. (Ah, geez, I am running out of things to say. Whatever else?)
  13. I am generous.
  14. I sing.
  15. I work with technology despite the fact I never got the hang of typing very well.
  16. I am an early-adopter.
  17. I am capable of teaching things I know.
  18. I have empathy.
  19. I have overcome most of my worst habits.
  20. I have a wide variety of friends.

Bonus: I am still here, even though I fight suicidal ideation more than I like.

Okay, I did it. Can you? Can you step out of the negatives that often besiege us, and count yourself a blessing? I suggest you do it. It might brighten your day. Appreciate yourself. 

The Bible says we should love others as ourselves. It implies the prerequisite that we love who we are to love others better.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

That Will Do…

Ladies and gentlemen, this is notice. I cannot continue gaining the weight I already once lost. As someone told me when I said I was having problems bingeing, “That is not you.”

He is correct. I know how to do this, so I got my gear out, put on my tough suit, and started toward where I must be.

Working with weights on gives an extra special burn. Pain, yeah, going to rock it to the prize.

On antipsychotics and antidepressants, it is difficult to avoid weight gain. They are drugs that cause it. I have even lost a considerable amount in opposition to the prescriptions before. I have not gained back to where I was when my journey started in 2013, but if I do not take action, I will. My appetite never lets up, it hounds me 24/7/365, but I, I am stronger than my urges. I will succeed at this again.

I am a tremble with fear and hope, but is it not always like that when we run up against the impossible and choose to conquer it?

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

They Did Not Get The Memo

One of the questions I had today at my appointment was about medications, especially ones that might be contributing to weight gain and uncontrollable appetite. All of them, it turns out, but they did not want to make changes.

They said I should exercise. I said I am already walking 20,000 or more steps on most days. The question then was, how do I do that? I said I read while walking, and I do it inside. They told me, no, no, that is no good you have to be outside. Maybe ride a bike, which I told them is bad on my knees. I have to have shots for my knees because of the pain.

Here is the real deal. I lost 65 pounds walking inside the house and kept it off for almost seven years. I cannot walk outside because I cannot breathe out there.

This evening, I revved it up a few notches by playing a selection of my favorite hits and letting myself go with the music. The real demon in this thing is hunger. The people who help me manage my mind cannot help with my weight, so I must make it happen again. I will, because I know I can.

If you have something hard you are facing, do not let anyone tell you that you must do it their way. If your way works for you, work it. You know yourself, your abilities, better than any expert who is on the outskirts of your life. I believe we are strong. I could explain, but all you need to know is that you are capable. There is nothing that can stand against you when you put your mind and heart into accomplishing something.

Rock on…

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Oh, I moved the icons for the social media services off of the front home screen on my phone. I have not opened them on tabs in Chrome since I said I was leaving. Funny how I feel better, and how I seem to have more time. The experiment is going well.