Outside In

While sitting in bed
This view I often admire,
Even when rain falls
It brightens, deepens colors
Giving assurance of life.

There are days the power of living seems beyond our strength. Then we reach into our chests to massage our hearts and set lightning to our minds to galvanize our thoughts. Overcoming is then a mustering of the will, for we shall not surrender giving up the light. Love, we are crusaders for beating back the encroaching night.

Had we not witnessed others who kept up the fight, we might have fallen by the wayside. Many have created work amid the devastation of life’s catastrophes, and now we experience their harvest. It motivates us to succeed.

We are whoever
We can be in the moment
Not always by choice.

This moment thrusts us
Into what lies before us
Sometimes unprepared.

Happiness is huge
A state we negotiate
In our agile minds.

A note on the formatting: This post was done sitting in bed on my cell phone. If the spacing is distorted, that is the reason.

I hope each of you is well. If you wish, follow Haphazard Creative, if you rather, return as you can. Comments are always welcome. God bless you all.

©Jo Ann J. A. Jordan.

It Ain’t Over

In December of 2013, I needed a watch. I had a Samsung Galaxy S3, but I have always needed time at hand because I do not do time. I ordered an Invicta from Amazon, and it was damaged when I got it. I saw something somewhere that the Samsung Gear would be released in December. It would have a pedometer.

At this point, I weighed in over 200 pounds. I found out the date of the Gear release knowing it would sync with the S3, and I went that day to Best Buy and got one. That changed my life.

I used the pedometer and an app called MyFitnessPal and journaled in a notebook each day. By the end of 2014, I lost over sixty pounds.

Losing my mother and my beloved Hope caused extreme stress and threatened all I had done. More recently, I have fallen back into my binging due mostly to depression and feeling less than worthy. I have gained some weight. Now when I need support most, MyFitnessPal has begun predatory pop-up ads. I will not deal with advertising. I took the app, after almost seven years, off my devices. I still walk, lots of days over 20,000 steps. The pain I experience makes this a trial.

Now, I am not counting calories for the first time in ages. I know what to do. I am trained. So, I am working this in a new way. If I can avoid the binging, I will lose back down, but I am a sweet nut. Nutella, Airheads, Peppermint Patties, Hershey’s Chocolate, we could go on, binging is hard to give up.

Understand, I have worked so many programs since I was a teen. I know nutrition, I know exercise. Most of us do, the thing is staying stabilized emotionally so we can work the loss. Eating is comfort, consumption is companionship, food is the reward. This is a battle for our lives. Make no mistake, fat cripples, and obesity kills.

Today, I wanted to drive to Douglasville, go to Dairy Queen, and have a Large M&M Blizzard. I had a headache because I was craving so hard. I took a nap. I later made a glass of Almond Milk with Pure Honey, mixed and mixed and mixed. I did not have that over 1000 calories of Blizzard today.

It is the small victories added up over time that win the war. I am going to take that frigging hill again. You can too. We should never die young.

The Problem of Choice

The reason for the clutter
Is not so simple as believed,
It is deep, wide, high, and low,
Motivated by a passion for choice.
Very few situations are settled
With one acquisition, no, understand,
If there is one thing available
There may exist the desire
For another, opportunity; pick – choose.
Being unable to settle, decide,
It complicates the simple life,
Leading on occasion to misadventure
Better left off, given avoid.
Variety, a hazardous habit
With methods challenging to break,
Most likely with all remedies
Unwanted in any place.

Many Tidings

In life, it seems, there are often many things of which to be downcast over. I have my moments of despair. In living with my condition, I find I must find novel ways to lift myself beyond the particular tar pits which present a snare.

Often writing is my principal weapon, trying to create something of a more lucid, lighter air always presents an enormous challenge. There are times the conviction overwhelms my soul that there is no talent or wisdom within on which to draw. Yet, I cannot forsake the words, lines, for they will seek me out and become mine.

I have not been into my town or seen a human in the flesh since March 14. It is not unusual for me to go for some weeks without leaving my redoubt, but this is the longest ever. I must break this soon. I did not realize how even speaking with strangers had such a positive effect until this restriction.

I occupy my time. I thought I would work against the mess here, but I, as often, have no inclination to do so. I make small inroads, but unlike the wholesale change, others might affect, I avail little.

Time is always erratic, but in the pandemic, it has become bizarre. I have no idea when it is most of the time. Confusing days, hours, minutes, and when I do mark them, they run strangely.

Had I known how the world would be besieged, I would never have chosen to do a 2020 Creativity Project in which I am, of my own volition, served with the duty of working here each day. I fear I may fall short of inspiration and encouragement to share. Somedays, I want to hide in the rushes in a dark corner of my cave and make nothing.

Enough. I love this too. It is what I do. Having lost my copy editing hobby job, at least temporarily, I have plenty of moments to follow obscure trails within the country of my mind.

I expect this will not be a popular post, but I need to get some thought of what life is now into permanent form, The internet lives forever, or at least until the grid ceases.

When tucked away inside
Do more than just survive,
Create something, thrive.

*****

Nothing can hold us down
If we build each other up
With encouragement and love.

*****

We all belong
Because we are here,
Beloved and precious.

*****

The Earth is the Lord’s,
We are only visitors –
We should use love, care.

*****

Each time when we talk
The words come near emerging,
But they sip away.

*****

No one walks into
The distance without caution,
Life may be forfeit.

*****

These skeleton words
May build a structured body,
Or fall waste apart.

*****

Levity may lift
Spirits a while, but these times
Try the strongest souls.

*****

Every day is so strange;
Different in challenges,
Unique in its gifts.

*****

No one understands
How work arrives without plan,
We create at will.

*****

A bird in a tree
Longs to rise into the sky,
Our dreams also fly.

*****

I hope all is well with every one of you. I hope you are finding joy in this disruption. Maybe we needed a time-out to reprioritize what we do. I do not believe even something as troublesome as this pandemic will only have an adverse effect. I think great good can come from it.

I apologize for the lateness of this posting. It has been an unusual day.