Every month it is The same – others on me have Claims, well, more upon My funds, they all want money, For my life to smoothly run. I allocate this Here, that there, everyone gets Their (un)fair share of What I have got which is not A lot, but I cannot complain. The dogs and I, we Still can eat and have a place To stay, play, and sleep. Life is not bad, could be worse, I will keep smiling, happy, At peace with what is My universe, thankful Christ Oversees all things Taking care that we are well, Safe, blessed beyond deserving.
Some races we cannot win Though we try and try again, But we may endeavor to make Of everything, a thing to take Away in beneficial learning Advancing as more discerning, Improving for the days coming. Suffering is extremely painful, But also, can be gainful, For if we overcome our problems And even should we not solve them, We are more resilient in the end, Than when we did, our trial begin. Much becomes of having it all, But along the way, we often fall. Our failures give us an appreciation For the moments of approbation We, in relation ourselves, better know And realize life is ours always to grow.
For some of us, particularly females, the quest for a weight we deem acceptable is lifelong. My battles started in probably middle school, maybe before. I have been a diet soda addict as long as I can remember.
I have done every diet, gone to every gym, exercised excessively, put my self at risk with amphetamines, fasted. I have rarely liked my body and regularly hated myself.
For me, it was never so much the models and movie stars; it was the derision from my peers, both male and female. When a man I adored said he hated to take me out to restaurants with him because it was embarrassing to see me gorge myself, it nearly destroyed me.
Since 1997 I have been medicated continuously with drugs that cause weight gain and/or hinder weight loss. At worst, I was over 200 pounds.
I longed to take control, but nothing seemed doable. In December 2013, Samsung released the first version of its smartwatch, the Gear. I tend to be if I can, an early adopter. I had read the hype, and on the day the Gear hit the stores, I got one. It had a pedometer but worked from the wrist. I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app onto my S3 and paired with the Gear; I determined to change my life.
I did. At the end of 2014, I was 140 pounds and a slim size 6. At the lowest, I reached 135 pounds.
I did well until I had a devastating series of losses. By 2019, my weight was slipping up. I hated myself again. Depression, suicidal ideation, medication changes, and the fact that Under Armour bought MyFitnessPal and added pop-ups for which my reaction was to ditch the app, worked against me.
In 2020, with the pandemic, minimal contact with human beings beyond the screen, I reached 173 pounds. That was too much. So, I told someone I was bingeing, and the reply was, “That’s not you!” Somehow those three words gave me the impetus to grasp control and wrench myself back from the edge.
A few weeks have passed. I am down to 160 pounds. At this point – last time, I enlisted the help of Body Change coach John Cena. I have no such option now. So it is me against the urge to eat frequently.
I shall win. My appetite is always ravenous because of my prescriptions, but I have to do this, so there you are.
It is a miracle I am alive, and I believe that God shall not abandon me on this journey. I pray, and I do not bring home the things that I cannot resist.
If you think it is easy, don’t. It is not, and never has been.
The lights turned on bright Hardly dispel the darkness, The walls are not pale But dark like Winter’s dusk With shades, shadows, arriving. Still, there are windows, Onto the outside, shining, With friendly glow, warmth, But at times, this fails to rouse Adequate joy to sustain. Chosen to wander Where needs must finally go To arrange brief lives With satisfaction enough – Will exists to continue. Every life matters – Purpose burns absolutely, Never giving in, Coming fully alive, now, Each life to liberate, save.
Today will not lay down Before you, It is a gamble – Turning cards, rolling dice; There is a cost, a sacrifice… You may have paid yesterday, Or the price can come due tomorrow – But whatever it is, anything you do, The bill will be in the box demanding Your hours spent making currency Of your life, who you have become Who you will grow further to be. Smile, Yes, smile, Let go the doubt that troubles, Even as you are, others too must be, All are transcribing signals – Determining how to be happy in The constraints of our humanity. As you stand before your mirror Bless the image you see, Recognize you belong, A part of everything: Snow-melt off the mountains, Sunlight baking asphalt, Electricity coursing through the wires, Dogs barking erratically, Grass growing until mown – You are past, present, and futurity.
Haphazard Creative 
You must be logged in to post a comment.