Mama said..

I miss her, she would have given me some wry bit of hope when I reported what I learned.

The fact I sleep little for the pain leads me in to the Orthopaedist for shots in my knees. The conversation today was ominous.

What I did after was catch hold of God through the music that allows me to live:

The Anchor Holds, God is in Control, Fear is a Liar, Shine, God’s Not Dead, Greatness of Our God, Chain Breaker, Miracles, God Only Knows, Children of the World, I’ll Fly Away, How Great Thou Art, We Believe, and more but I am not sure what. I sing these with the music. I also sing acapella, Come All Ye Faithful, Holy, Holy, Holy, Down By The Riverside, He’s Got The Whole World, Kumbaya, and by the time I get through, I think I will do until He is done with me.

Degenerative arthritis is just another thing to get through.

Sleep though, I need to find that elusive state. My mind will not keep without it.

I pick up a tune, set it loose, realize I am not the engine, just the caboose. I trust the couplings to hold me, keep me in line. I cannot see all the journey, and I know challenges will overrun, but I was given a destination, holding on to Jesus to keep me until I get there. Heaven waits.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Interruption

Welcome to my workout…

Rebel Yell by Billy Idol
It’s Only Rock and Roll by The Rolling Stones
I Write the Songs by Barry Manilow
The Grand Illusion by Styx
Get Down, Make Love by Queen
Some Like It Hot by Power Station
Closer by The Firm

I have moved to this list of songs in the last little while after doing an hour and a half working on some grooming for the Tribble.

Earlier today, I finally made it to town for medication, groceries, and sodas. I was dying without soda.

Before all of this transpired, I wrote in my journal, but the music and my movement had my heart rate up to 139, and I think I will do this tonight.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Life Intrudes

Haphazard Creative has always been a place to share creativity. I have not made much of my life issues here. I am going to now.

I am having a hard time dealing with things. I had a medication change at my last appointment. My doctor and I discussed escalating symptoms.

Since I lost my Mom, it has been increasingly difficult for me to believe I have a purpose. Being alone is not ideal, then going out is hard because I tend to isolate myself. I have trust issues exacerbated by paranoia.

My insecurity and self-censure grow. I am trying to continue a creative practice, but it is steadily more difficult. Dealing with Schizo-Affective Disorder has never been easy, but before, I had family support with me. I could reality check when I needed it. I believe it is why I have thus far survived.

I am trying to get a daytime schedule in the midst of all this, and it is complicating matters. I am typically a night owl.

I have several pain issues too.

Please be patient as I try to get through everything that is taxing me. I am going to attempt continuation, but tonight I feel like creativity is a bit luxurious. I need to survive; living is another level.

Elements may all
Come together to grant dreams
But it sometimes seems
That everything conspires to
Slow progress on every track.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Priceless Heroes

Another shift,
Will additional hours be required?
From the beginning, nurses, doctors –
Going short of peaceful sleep.
Families wondering when
All members will again meet.
The coronavirus, cruel
As a murderer, random as
A violent hurricane.
Every day at least one
Slips away in isolation
From those loved and cherished.
Caregivers struggle with guilt,
Was enough done?
Why this senseless loss?
So many battles fought,
So little medicine can do,
Hoping always for a breakthrough.
Willing hearts on fire
With love for their fellow man
Sacrificing whatever they can
To beat a disease consuming
People throughout all lands.
Loving, like angels, sharing
All their being to help those
Who continue to need them.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

A poem requested by the owner/publisher of the Chapel Hill News & Views. It will appear in the February issue.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Gratitude…
I had an assignment today.
Writing helped clear my doubt away.
The day has run long, so I got things done.
Even when I cannot believe in myself, God believes in me.
The magic of music.

Prompt: Create something that illustrates your gratitude.

Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative; I hope you found the furnishings to your liking. You may follow the site if you like or come back on a future date.

My hope for you is that you find enough love to carry you through the deeps and that many blessings keep you sweet.

Exhaust

Three hours of sleep nightly, one cannot long abide. However, once medication changes are absorbed, there can be improvements. Even now, a few days in much has been accomplished.

I am quite tired this evening, so I am only writing a few words.When youu are trying to catch up, it is wise not to try to do everything at once. Time was invented to keep everything from happening at once. Pace yourself to protect yourself. Tomorrow, after all, is another day. Should it not arrive your plans will have little validity anyway.

I talked to a lady today with life tragedies that were overwhelming. At one point her mental state had affected her physical state to the place she was confined to a walker. Her faith in God remained steadfast, and today, she is an active and happy 70-year-old

Life may deal us blows, but we know whom we trust, and we can stand in faith against the storm.

I hope this weekend gives you reasons to rejoice. I am likely confined for a day or two. I way overdid what I have the stamina for accomplishing. You know when you set a goal, and the deadline walks in and sits right beside you. It has been that week.

I challenge you to set one small goal and work on it cosistently over an appropriate amout of time and reward yourself at the completion.

©Jo Ann J.A. Jordan.