Life For Life

A child in womb, life,
The reason to stand and fight,
A separation
Of purpose, but will to bear,
A child brought hopeful through fear.
Always devoted
Despite trials, battles, high costs
Give and give again
Because love is, does, happens,
Believes, continues, best makes.
Some days years later
When despair encroaches, sears
Body, mind leaving,
The child reaches out, calls to
Account, encourages life.
The realization
What is forged together can
Abide all hardship
Be a saving grace, carry
Forth the ones who will remain.
No other heart touches
The willingness to survive
Like one brought to life,
And unbreakably bonded
With endless familial love.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

As a prompt, create something that reflects the dynamic of a significant relationship.

I am struggling with myself over continuing this practice. It seems I have little influence or impact, and despite that usually being a millennial concern, it is mine too. I fail to know if I should keep putting in the effort. I am fighting my crisis mode of retracting from everything.

It has been good being here while it lasted. All the best to all of you. May God bless you with prosperity, good health, and your fondest desires.

2020.07.09 Weeds at Ramp rr

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

 

When… We must…

When weak, we must be strong,
When exhausted, we must find energy,
When depressed, we must smile,
When hurt, we must be pleasant,
When broken, we must mend,
When unwanted, we must self-soothe,
When bullied, we must believe ourselves,
When challenged, we must excel,
When blocked, we must create,
When empty, we must become full,
When tortured, we must go on,
When afraid, we must stand,
When doubting, we must trust,
When love hurts, we must embrace it,
When at an end, we must begin again.

We must continue at all costs;
For we are overcomers,
More than conquerors,
Because we belong to God.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

2020.07.03 Flower Among Stones rr

Re-Cla-Ma-Tion

Stress can bury you deep
Heap depression on you
So even in your sleep
There is no relief.
You can become a ghost
Haunting your own home,
Dying to what you desire,
No will to do what is required.
Then suddenly one day
Something changes your life
You see what everyone else
Has been trying to reveal.
Everything out of control
The disaster completely surreal
You realize you have to take command
Find a way to make your existence whole.
So you start the process
Still, ghost walking but seeing
Doing, happening, being, bringing
Life back into your living.
It is overwhelming, painful, hard,
The darkness creeps over and again,
But you hang onto what you saw
In the moment of clarity.
The vision of order, joy, hope, peace,
Of comfort in the environment
Of dominance over certain things,
You know you can exorcise the ghost
And live fully as you wish to; reality.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

2020.06.12 Canibal edited

Response Today

It has been weeks since
There has been any response
To repeated requests made
That he call me, talk to me,
Depression had settled in.

Then the phone rang with
His name filling its little screen
My son, my joy, all
I had been hoping for, real,
My heart, in response, joyful grew.

We talked and talked more
Everything I hoped for came,
Like the world was right,
Knowing he was well, that we
Remained like clones, years separately.

More than anything
Or anyone, he is special
The love never fades,
He is my happiest of happy
The brightest of fairest days.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Alex, if you ever read this, know I love you.

The PAD Challenge Countdown prompt today was “Response.” The fact life called was just a happenstance.

Coffee, Poems, Ramblings

DSC02910

Alex went to bed. I am wired, see the photo above for an explanation. Alex wants me to cease drinking diet sodas, which I am catastrophically addicted to, and he believes coffee is the answer. The truth about coffee is it usually makes my acid reflux worse, (which I have ceased treatment for due to the lack of a colonoscopy). I did not have that problem this time. I take my coffee, much like a soda (with Splenda, and brew specific – a generous amount of vanilla extract), which might make it even worse than those drinks I am assured are killing me. I do not do compliance exceptionally well. There would seem to be some stubbornness on board.

Being stubborn very likely is the only reason I am alive. I could not fight my monsters without I were tenacious. The last few days have been abysmal at times, and by turns incredible. I am pleasantly surprised my recent coffee consumption is going well. I LOVE COFFEE, I just rarely drank any for the past couple of years. Coffee has superior caffeine, and caffeine makes some of the side effects of my powerful medicines a bit more manageable. I am fully compliant with my psychiatric medications, but I do not have to like them.

I am on The Dell. Whatever it was doing earlier failed, and it is in the process of trying again. I like computers, possibly better than other devices, probably because I have used them much longer. I love this one, but I also hate it. Ambivalence seems to be a widespread trait in my existence. There is very little I only have one end of the feeling scale over. Catch me at the right time; I love everything. The wrong one and I would be hard-pressed to tell you a positive thing among everything in my life.

Will You

Will you hold me close
When I turn myself around,
Inside-out, upside-down,
Lose who I am – hokey-pokey like;
Without rhyme and lacking reason?
You should know this happens
In and out of season, without control.
My emotions are like an ocean
With waves that ebb and flow
Washing warm and cold, beware
Also, the undertow that drowns me
From time and again, in feelings
For which I have no use, refuse.
Will you find the patience
To weather moods, disturbances
In my equanimity? I hardly do
And it all belongs to me.
There are days I need to escape
The prison of what I am, but
My jailor is unwilling to grant any
Leave, breaking out an impossibility.
Writing though, and reading,
Grant me some serenity, words
Are love and I can find, perhaps,
Another searching soul with
Whom I have an affinity.
Come now, come near, and let us
Discover whatever is and will be,
It should all be okay, we shall see,
I will not give up the fight
As long as hope survives that you
Might deign to place your heart
Near the fullness of mine.

Composed here, live, out of nowhere. I admit I have been wrestling with inferiority. I have doubts about my worth and my sustainability. Those are near-constant, but I believe there is some talent in me. Fifty-three years of writing had to have some purpose.

Alex keeps telling me I should get rid of my books. It is killing me. I do not know how to explain what they mean, even the many I have not read. I read library books almost exclusively for years, but the books I own are a comfort to me. I have sent all the borrowed books back. Delving into these of mine has been a revelation, I fear I should have done it sooner. If he has his way, what a loss I shall suffer. I think this persistent demand of his is one reason depression has been unfailingly dogging me.

Let your whole being
Become Love’s celebration,
Your fascination.

As a prompt: Follow your emotion somewhere and create something that elucidates where yourself is at the moment. All my prompts are meant for creation with no particular medium restriction. Most creatives, which means all of us, are multidisciplinary.

I am grateful that this morning when Facebook malfunctioned and I had a full-blown panic attack, that I got myself under control with Alex’s assistance, and I recovered my account. Yeah, life is bizarre. When devices do not work, I go a bit unhinged.

Blessings to all of you, and may all your electronics function as advertised. Be well. Choose joy. Keep moving, it is harder to hit someone in motion. Carry on…

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan