Cry It Over

Forgive me the moments
When I become lost beneath
Feelings which cut all
Reasoning off, I retrieve
Myself with tears, singing, prayer,
The revelations
That cast out paranoia, fear;
I hope you avoid
All those “cracks in the fabric,”
But you know my thoughts wander;
Happiness, standing
In the storms of desperation,
But crying to sing
Praises, although the brokeness
Will never leave, disappear.
I learn, learn again,
That life is overpowering –
Sometimes hearts bleed out,
I apply pressure, bandages,
Hoping God will fill the lack;
I do not own my
Faith, Jesus is love for everyone,
But He maybe loves me so,
Stops my hand when I come undone,
It is not a pretty story, fighting crazy –
Is hard luck, but there must be
Some purpose, for here I remain.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

I cannot describe for you all there is in what troubles me at times. Once in awhile I attempt to put Schizoaffective Disorder into words. I am not good at it. Recently times are very trying, though there is the mania too. Maybe it does not matter to others. I do not know. I just write what I am given when I am given to know.

As a prompt, you might create something about a challenge you face. It could be a food allergy, a learning impairment, a thing you must conquer, anything really. The thing with this is to open yourself to see the strength in your weakness, and possibly gain courage from sharing.

It seems to me, we all need to be real. If we want to come closer to peace we have to understand who we are. Weaknesses and faults are part of that, being transparent.

Time Again

Every month it is
The same – others on me have
Claims, well, more upon
My funds, they all want money,
For my life to smoothly run.
I allocate this
Here, that there, everyone gets
Their (un)fair share of
What I have got which is not
A lot, but I cannot complain.
The dogs and I, we
Still can eat and have a place
To stay, play, and sleep.
Life is not bad, could be worse,
I will keep smiling, happy,
At peace with what is
My universe, thankful Christ
Oversees all things
Taking care that we are well,
Safe, blessed beyond deserving.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

What Good’s In You?

The Journal Writing prompt today is: Make a list of 20 things you like about yourself.

Believe it or not, this is going to be a difficult assignment. The thing is, according to my mood, I can tolerate myself or hate myself. The tendency toward antipathy is strong.

Here goes:

  1.  I am creative.
  2.  I love deeply and extravagantly.
  3.  The son I raised is an outstanding success.
  4.  I am a writer.
  5.  I am an artist (perhaps not a very good one, but I have some gifts).
  6.  I choose never to stop learning.
  7.  I want to be like Jesus.
  8.  I made my Mom’s final years bearable and kept her at home.
  9.  I do not allow Schizo-Affective Disorder to defeat me, though sometimes it is touch and go.
  10. I have excellent taste.
  11. Animals love me.
  12. Children love me. (Ah, geez, I am running out of things to say. Whatever else?)
  13. I am generous.
  14. I sing.
  15. I work with technology despite the fact I never got the hang of typing very well.
  16. I am an early-adopter.
  17. I am capable of teaching things I know.
  18. I have empathy.
  19. I have overcome most of my worst habits.
  20. I have a wide variety of friends.

Bonus: I am still here, even though I fight suicidal ideation more than I like.

Okay, I did it. Can you? Can you step out of the negatives that often besiege us, and count yourself a blessing? I suggest you do it. It might brighten your day. Appreciate yourself. 

The Bible says we should love others as ourselves. It implies the prerequisite that we love who we are to love others better.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Going Overboard?

We have to ask ourselves, are we piloting our ship, or have we gone overboard?

In times like these, many find it hard to keep control. It can be a harrowing struggle. Bad news, financial setbacks, difficulty at home – in family and relationships, abridged social engagement, hassles at work – or lack thereof, all these and more can make a person consider going over the brink.

From whatever position is now maintained, be encouraged to take a firmer grip on the wheel. If we surrender our ship, leaving it vacant, powers we prefer to avoid might invade our space. It might become difficult, or even impossible, to return to our place.

In challenging times it bodes well to remember:

We are strong. Up until now, we have survived. Survival is an outstanding accomplishment because staying alive is hard. Many fail.

If we examine our lives, we will see we succeeded most of the time. When we made mistakes or failed, we made corrections and went on to accomplish our aims.

There is a temptation when we make mistakes, fail, fall short of expectations to abandon the endeavor. Our true selves lose honor in quitting. We should look for a better path, another way, and finish what we set out to do.

We are not alone on our journey. Other persons, creatures, things, imagination, and creativity can aid us as we go. God grants us abilities, blessings, energy, gifts, talents, which allow us to achieve our purpose. Our lives are not accidental; we are part of the Master’s plan.

If we feel alone and ready to desert our vessel, we should contemplate the many blessings in our lives; we will understand that so much given us would not be, if we were unworthy of God’s anointing and favor.

We sail our vessels with faith, hope, and love. Storms will come with lightning and thunder, but we, every one of us, are capable. We can continue and reach our destination. We can share our love and do much good along the way. Every moment, every day, is a test, and we need to get out of our way and lead as the strong warriors we are. The ships launched, we must be the captains we deserve.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Discovered

I have searched almost
Everywhere I have ever
Been, for a key
Friend
Who could unlock who
I am and understand.
People have shed light,
Insight,
But no one entirely, clearly,
Reflects the heart, whole
Of me as beautifully
As the ink stains on paper
I have placed with joy,
Rancor.
Sometimes I write with
No real understanding of
Who I may at the moment be,
But later find myself captured
Effortlessly.
Poetry is right in ways
I cannot quite define,
As if life might find
Its measure in a telling
Line or through an accidental
Rhyme found like a crumb
On a velvet sleeve
Deposited
At some point but unnoticed.
We are the poetry of Creation
Written into brief existence
By God, Lord of Eternity,
Who
Must rejoice when we create,
As does He consistently.
I know He knows my totality
And pray for His guidance
As my soul composes love.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

As a prompt, create something that relates your relationship to or experience of poetry.

2020.08.11 Sea Birds rr