Poem: Hunted/Hunter

Well, here now, bet you did not expect me back. I took a nap. It is the best way to reset my destructive urges when I am being pursued by suicidal thoughts. Trust me, depression is no ally. However, in my crenelated state, mania also sets about to usher me away, over-taking walls that can never fence me in. Always a battle, forever a war, victory nevermore. Anyway…

Hunted/Hunter

There is a dichotomy
Built into our lives,
A perceived separation
More akin to a lie.
We are every one
A hunted, running
For survival and to
Be claimed a trophy
To ornament some
People’s idea of who
We should become.
Also, each a hunter,
Aching for forever love
Chasing illusions, dreams,
Whatever seems a goal,
Thinking accomplishment,
Wealth, reputation, will
Finally, make us whole.
Reality is our hearts
Are vessels circulating love,
What we wish to attain
Lies within us to share,
Give away, making love
All of the world
And throughout
Every moment of history.
The hunted/hunter is
A celebration of creation
Begun with a word,
To continue for eternity
The Beloved we serve,
The Beloved we are.

Yeah, that just came like a hurricane out of nowhere, the only thing I had was the words, Hunted/Hunter. Oh, dears, that is the first draft. I usually only write first drafts of poems. 

As a prompt: Create something about a dichotomy you feel presents itself in life.

I am safe, by the way. I just get agitated. The damnable disease is a horrible thing, but it has its gifts too. I am not sure I would be so wildly creative did I not face the struggle.

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© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Somewhat a Block

Day 15: 2020 Creativity Project

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It was a day! Awakened by a dear friend who requested I write a poem and also read it in public. No pressure, right?

If you think that, I have not made myself clear. It is after 11pm, and I have not begun. I almost skipped this website entry, and it is a commitment. Anxiety.

I did go to town with my son for lunch and necessity shopping. While the whole time, the resistance to doing the poem built.

I know I can do it. I write all the time. I am afraid of disappointing my friend and embarrassing myself in front of a gathering. I committed to it, though, so do it, I must. How do I write something outstanding? It must be more than just a poem, it must reach hearts, every heart. No pressure, right?

How do I stand up and present what I created? I am not a compelling speaker, I rush. This is important, though, and therein lies the fear, fear of such failure I lose face.

I did not get to so much today. I did no art, I ate disgracefully, but I read The Raven and Lenore by Edgar Allan Poe. The hope was that reading them aloud would prime whatever it is that writes poems. I also read stories in the latest issue of GRANTA, which is my all-time favorite magazine, each issue a book, glorious. Reading is supposed to calm me. Sometimes it makes my inferiorities bolder for me to see.

I share this because creatives struggle sometimes. Making something out of thin air is magic, hard to master.

I am going to do this poem. I am going to present it. God help me, even if I do not believe I can.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Day 10 – 2020 Creativity Project

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Post Three for Today

It always seems days like the tenth are incredibly productive for me. I never understand why the muse, inspiration, whatever you may call the force that pours creativity forth has days when it is like an uncorked fire hydrant spewing everywhere. Actually, if I allow, it is present a lot.

I took the cameras out for a few minutes. I meant to use the Sony, but the battery blacked, and the extra battery was also dead. I took the Nikon out with a telephoto lens on it, and I had been away a while, so I was thrown by it, not taking pictures. The light was poor, my distance was too near. I finally got a few shots. It is terrible that I have been relying on my cellphone’s camera so much.

The above shot is with the Sony, unedited. It is not quite as I would like, but the device went dark, so there I had it.

By Design

I went in search of
Happiness, but came to find
It is not a thing
Hidden beyond me, oh no,
I contain it in my mind.
I choose attitudes
Every moment, every day,
If I am down-hearted
I must make it otherwise
And exuberance I can try.
The clouds and thunder,
Rain – does not determine how
I come to think, feel,
I make a designation to
Positive or negative,
So just now, I pick my joy with love.

This is not to discount depression, because that struggle is real, but we do have some power over our feelings, at least at times. I have Schizo-Affective Disorder, so depression is a home place too. It takes a lot to fight, but fight we must because if we let loose our control, we can be driven deep in areas hard with dark to escape.

I wonder why I am doing this, cause it has been bad days for the site, but I have words, so…

I think maybe learning one of my favorite musicians died of brain cancer made me trot something out. RUSH is a top band in my estimation. I saw them twice in that magical 1979 to 1981 period when I was at a concert or the movies every week. Neil Peart, Rest In Peace. See ya.

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Find something, create. Build something beyond yourself, because you are real.

Do well, be active, keep going, you are loved.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Money

“Money is power, freedom, a cushion, the root of all evil; the sum of blessings.” – Carl Sandburg

This happens every time I take on something that stretches my commitment, abilities, and constrains my time. I try to escape, discover avoidance behaviors, and, oh yes, procrastinate. Probably why my situation is such as it is, but we will not go there. No, we are in the second day in my 2020 – 365 Creativity Project, and I found I have no subject on which to write.

The above quote appears in something I am reading, and I turned on Money by Pink Floyd. An inkling of an idea had taken flame, and it was running through the undergrowth. I have been blest with fortunate times in life and less affluent times. I have learned lessons at both extremes. Some were execrable others were glorious.

I think I am going to create a little fable. Hang on, I am more than a poet. Yeah, I know you are shaking your head. Or maybe you can suspend disbelief… thank you.

 

What the Lottery Wrought

Pepper never bought lottery tickets. Her family had awful attitudes around the whole process. Several of them held the opinion that people who played lotto paid the stupid tax.

One day the Mega Millions payout reached $330,000,000. Pepper looked at the money in her checking account, the cash in her wallet, the groceries in the larder, and decided she could buy one ticket without risking total disaster. She had lived there before and had zero desire to circle in that sesspool again.

The store she drove to in her sweltering car had its past winners posted on the window beside the door, shadowed by the metal security bars. She went in, requested a ticket from the gentleman who spoke heavily accented English, and he handed her the machine-generated printout with a wide sparkling smile and the genuine seeming, “Best of luck, big-time winner.” She grinned and said, “Thank you so much, have a great afternoon.”

She drove back to the woods and the trailer, she allowed no one to visit. She put the ticket on the table, and all afternoon and evening she kept walking by and saying fervent prayers that something could change, something good, something lucky. Could luck happen? It would be a first, but lightning did strike on occasion.

When the numbers were pulled on television, she watched the small set with her tongue stuck between her teeth, her nerves itching over her arms, legs, torso, and unmentionable places. As each number matched, she stood and began bouncing up and down and pumping her fists in the air.

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Yeah, now this is off the top of my head, I have no idea how to continue. I have to figure it out. So, we will see what becomes of this in another entry. I mean, if you want.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Bucket and Grass

What Reading Held Out

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I guess God has been trying to show me something for a bit. I read a lot, and almost all the books lately have sent the same message. Let me give you a list:

The World That We Knew by Alice Hoffman
Wanderers by Chuck Wendig
A Column of Fire by Ken Follet
The Cave and The Light by Arthur Herman
A Fair Maiden by Joyce Carol Oates
The Sisters of the Winter Wood by Rena Rossner
The Templars by Dan Jones (my current read)

The message is we human beings do a lot of damage to one another in our disrespect for the freedom to have our own opinions, beliefs, and bodies. I do not go looking for messages when I pick reads. I read for enjoyment and to learn.

Some of the things these books have shown me, I did not realize. If you want to delve into it, grab any one of them. All are excellent.

We have been systemically eliminating people and demeaning them for the longest time. Maybe not you and I, but the race of human beings. I feel each one of us should make an effort to lift others up and ennoble them at every opportunity. The world is hard, and it tears at us. Even when we are not subjected to persecution or denigration, our selves can turn against us and bring pain.

Sometimes I feel I should not write or that I write poorly, but I love people, and I needed to say something. Differences make us gloriously unique and beautiful, it would be so wonderful if all of us began to celebrate the varieties of people we are. When we hurt someone else, we hurt ourselves, that should stop. Kindness, it brings smiles, and we are so precious, sharing smiles will increase our happiness quotient.

 

I am only me
You are steadfastly you, too,
But what together
We may become, can changing
History be much greater
Than we individuals
Can in imagination
See, for creativity
Prospers in community,
Love then guides humanity.

 

We are, this present,
Past hopes, prayer, bright future dreams,
The promise love brings.

 

This day like others
I have loved, slips smooth away
Like water over
Rocks which cannot capture it
Even for a brief moment.

 

As a prompt, create something, in whatever form that helps your awareness of how you can befriend and uplift someone else.

Three things for which I am thankful today: Food that nourishes me, Family and Friends who love me, and All the beautiful things with which I have been blessed.

I thank you for your visit, you may follow Haphazard Creative should you wish, or I hope you will return.

May love and smiles soften your journey,
Jo Ann

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan