Vacant Places

We were sitting around the table
Almost ready for the feast,
A little one said the blessing,
Then we raised our eyes from prayer;
My heart skipped for a moment,
I could not help but see
The absence of the ones who
Should properly be seated with me.
Over the years, the chairs have emptied –
Much too often, much too soon,
Some went away, others to their tombs,
Tears puddled my eyes, my breath a stitch,
I only wish I could mend what is missing,
Bring all of them back where they belong,
But only Heaven holds such power, its King,
To redress the deprivations of time’s seizure.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

What Good’s In You?

The Journal Writing prompt today is: Make a list of 20 things you like about yourself.

Believe it or not, this is going to be a difficult assignment. The thing is, according to my mood, I can tolerate myself or hate myself. The tendency toward antipathy is strong.

Here goes:

  1.  I am creative.
  2.  I love deeply and extravagantly.
  3.  The son I raised is an outstanding success.
  4.  I am a writer.
  5.  I am an artist (perhaps not a very good one, but I have some gifts).
  6.  I choose never to stop learning.
  7.  I want to be like Jesus.
  8.  I made my Mom’s final years bearable and kept her at home.
  9.  I do not allow Schizo-Affective Disorder to defeat me, though sometimes it is touch and go.
  10. I have excellent taste.
  11. Animals love me.
  12. Children love me. (Ah, geez, I am running out of things to say. Whatever else?)
  13. I am generous.
  14. I sing.
  15. I work with technology despite the fact I never got the hang of typing very well.
  16. I am an early-adopter.
  17. I am capable of teaching things I know.
  18. I have empathy.
  19. I have overcome most of my worst habits.
  20. I have a wide variety of friends.

Bonus: I am still here, even though I fight suicidal ideation more than I like.

Okay, I did it. Can you? Can you step out of the negatives that often besiege us, and count yourself a blessing? I suggest you do it. It might brighten your day. Appreciate yourself. 

The Bible says we should love others as ourselves. It implies the prerequisite that we love who we are to love others better.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

The Marvelous Wookie

Wookie is not a fan of photographs when she must be in them. Also, sleeping in my bed rather than hers would make her much happier. Her short hairs cause me to go into a mad itch, so I usually let her lounge on the floor.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Missing My Peace

Across the ocean between
I wonder
Do you wait, or do you go on;
Forgetting you were
The starch that stiffened my spine,
Enough
To stand when I only wanted
To run away and hide.
Now,
Without, I can hardly face
The rising of the sun,
All the troubles we worried,
Surely,
They have come, and without
You, I am drowning
No one to throw a raft.
Mama,
I am supposed to be grown,
But standing here alone,
This world seems less than ever,
My home.

Yet, I am thinking of how I wish
I could make you proud,
Show that what you taught,
I finally learned
Well enough that others could see
The magic you often said
Existed in me.
My courage seems settled –
With your ashes in that urn.
I wilt like a rose denied a drink,
But Mama,
Do you know? Do you know how
I miss you so? Sometimes, just
To hear you say I love you,
To have you give me a hug.
Ah, what comfort it would give.

I cry, and wonder why, because
I was
Taught to be reliable, to hide hurts.
Sometimes I do, but God knows,
I need you, and I can hardly get
A grip on why He took you.
Some have said I can stand
All I must do is work
A plan.
My plans keep washing away
In a deluge of troubles
No barrier erected by me
Can forestall.
I know, I know there is no call
To give up, but I have almost,
Then I remember how you said,
“Believe that you can,” and I try
Again.

I guess if I could reach
Across the divide
Seeing you,
You would remind me
To keep doing my best,
Never give up, study myself,
For the rigor of each test.
You would say, “My love is
With you no matter how far
Apart we seem. Trust in
Love
To feed your heart
And strengthen your mind.
Keep living, you are my dream.”
Okay,
Okay, even though it is harder –
Than, I imagined it could ever be,
I will live, for you gave life to me.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

As a prompt, create something about a loss that has affected you deeply and changed your perception. It could be a person, pet, thing, or a time. You choose. You are endowed with creative power, use it.

I hope you will follow or return to Haphazard Creative. I am in the midst of a Creativity Project and would love your input and your continuing support.

Thank you for taking the time to visit. May God richly bless you and all you love.

Quantum Entanglement

You saw me right here
So did the stranger over there,
At the exact same time;
All without my knowing.
She said she knew me,
I said, “Are you certain?”
In Germany, for ten years,
As a teacher, while she was there.
“You must be mistaken, I was here.”
Her brows raised, “No, it was you,
I could never forget you.”
Not the first time, but disturbing.
I lost someone who believed
I was not truthful when
I tried to explain how disorienting
Were the encounters and my life
As I knew it, not coinciding.
I can see sometimes between
The woven ins and outs of
Our reality in ways others may not
Because my mind does differ.
Perhaps I step in between
Not consciously, but as
I can attest the mind is very adept
At functions beyond understanding
Of even the one experiencing.
People are vast, more complex,
Than can be readily intuited.
There is such a lot beyond what
We can begin to process
And only marginally comprehend,
As it was God’s right to intend.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

2020.08.11 Mom in Granny Dress rr

There are days when life sends shrapnel through my heart and tries to disintegrate my mind. Missing my Mom today is on that scale.

The poem was of a situation in Sam’s Club one day a while back. Before, we all became strangers in masks. It was not the first. The title comes from the spooky motion at a distance of entangled particles. If it can happen to particles, maybe it happens with humans. I do not know. I just know people tell me I was somewhere I was not from time to time and that they are confident it was me.

As a prompt, create something about an instance where you were told something about yourself that you cannot explain. Or, if you wish, make up a situation where you apply science to your life in an iffy way, and create something.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan