How is one exact, But Also outside, in doubt? The mind is never A closed system, It knows those things, But It allows room for fault. Variables inject deviation From what seems inevitable, This present; what we, as humans Know Here is subject to unmaking. Change is a complete Norm, though norms, might Be terms to use most Sparingly, Because difference is Encountered in everything. Each creation of God – Is fashioned unique; All We see, know, are, have, Is individual, ours here To experience within The sampling being We Are and constant construct. When we awake, rise, We are like the day, beginning Anew, potential Envelopes Us in endless possibility, Loved, creative, free. Nothing is beyond our Capacity to learn, But Scattered uncertainty Grows wild as weeds in Gardens of delighted insight A misstep, an accident, Suddenly, We are gone – All we gathered, amassed, Lost as if, We never even happened.
We sketch our lives in Invisible ink on these walls Of air, earth, fire, flesh; We pass like roses, beauty, Only present a short while. Our hands busy, selves, Creating foundations for Futures never ours, Generations we offer Our best gifts, accomplishments. Now, we sing against Doubt, fear, insecurity – Fighting shadow blight Where the fruit will flourish, brave, In gardens of delight, saved From degradations, We erase with consistent Labor over years Paying in earnest, never Letting faith, hope, slip away. Love, our guiding light Though we fade in brightest glare, Almost completely Unknown, contributing hearts To lives, we wish to see free. Words cannot bring Every dream into being, But speaking, a tool, Purpose-built to encourage Change within lives reached, inspired. Plentiful, we, examples Scattered over time, what minds Mend, creating more sublime, Love, part an art, taught hands-on Driving history toward grace Still, counting every life, face, A precious gift to embrace, With confidence, each person Has meaning, purpose, reason, Position in time and space.
Haphazard Creative has always been a place to share creativity. I have not made much of my life issues here. I am going to now.
I am having a hard time dealing with things. I had a medication change at my last appointment. My doctor and I discussed escalating symptoms.
Since I lost my Mom, it has been increasingly difficult for me to believe I have a purpose. Being alone is not ideal, then going out is hard because I tend to isolate myself. I have trust issues exacerbated by paranoia.
My insecurity and self-censure grow. I am trying to continue a creative practice, but it is steadily more difficult. Dealing with Schizo-Affective Disorder has never been easy, but before, I had family support with me. I could reality check when I needed it. I believe it is why I have thus far survived.
I am trying to get a daytime schedule in the midst of all this, and it is complicating matters. I am typically a night owl.
I have several pain issues too.
Please be patient as I try to get through everything that is taxing me. I am going to attempt continuation, but tonight I feel like creativity is a bit luxurious. I need to survive; living is another level.
Elements may all Come together to grant dreams But it sometimes seems That everything conspires to Slow progress on every track.
Do we too quickly Forget those we sudden lost? Do we count our love Easily replaced by one Who comes new into our lives? Do we pray Heaven Has sweet mercy on everyone? Days are short, life brief, Have we given in and up Because change is difficult? Are we listening To the cares others admit? Are souls important, Do we point them to matters Concerning eternity? Do we pray the end Of war, fear, pain, loss, hunger? Maybe we should act – We could become bodies Ministering toward LIFE!
It came to me that the Coronavirus crisis has some parallels to the devastation we felt after September 11th. Not so many were lost on 911, but we came together, forgetting all our divisions. Globally we need to do the same to recover and make the world better than it was before this disaster.
Tonight, I put on the music that came out to raise money for victims of 911. If you have some of those discs or MP3s loaded somewhere, maybe you could give them a listen.
Remember, if we all work together, there is almost nothing the people of the world are unable to accomplish.
The roses in my Tomb bloom with little violence Crimson as innocent blood; I realize others are Insecurely fragile as well. This life Is living proved Without consequence beyond The limit of thought Within minds much overwrought; Where love requires vacation. Creativity Once solid shelter from storms Becomes a tantrum, Storm, its own, without control Each issue written larger. Isolation is A rock in the cityscape Sudden harsh breaking, Force unleashed to destroy all, But tattered souls in shadow. Putting together Strength remains monumental, For teaching oneself Swift to walk on, abandon, When patience begs, continue. Stately dragon lies Upon ashes, abject ruin, Indeed the phoenix will not Rise because hope has farther Flown than ever before known, Death, dying, fear, sadness roost. Still, the sky above Declares itself an instrument Of God’s inception, A ceiling painted with wonder Under which humans flourish.