Coffee, Poems, Ramblings

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Alex went to bed. I am wired, see the photo above for an explanation. Alex wants me to cease drinking diet sodas, which I am catastrophically addicted to, and he believes coffee is the answer. The truth about coffee is it usually makes my acid reflux worse, (which I have ceased treatment for due to the lack of a colonoscopy). I did not have that problem this time. I take my coffee, much like a soda (with Splenda, and brew specific – a generous amount of vanilla extract), which might make it even worse than those drinks I am assured are killing me. I do not do compliance exceptionally well. There would seem to be some stubbornness on board.

Being stubborn very likely is the only reason I am alive. I could not fight my monsters without I were tenacious. The last few days have been abysmal at times, and by turns incredible. I am pleasantly surprised my recent coffee consumption is going well. I LOVE COFFEE, I just rarely drank any for the past couple of years. Coffee has superior caffeine, and caffeine makes some of the side effects of my powerful medicines a bit more manageable. I am fully compliant with my psychiatric medications, but I do not have to like them.

I am on The Dell. Whatever it was doing earlier failed, and it is in the process of trying again. I like computers, possibly better than other devices, probably because I have used them much longer. I love this one, but I also hate it. Ambivalence seems to be a widespread trait in my existence. There is very little I only have one end of the feeling scale over. Catch me at the right time; I love everything. The wrong one and I would be hard-pressed to tell you a positive thing among everything in my life.

Will You

Will you hold me close
When I turn myself around,
Inside-out, upside-down,
Lose who I am – hokey-pokey like;
Without rhyme and lacking reason?
You should know this happens
In and out of season, without control.
My emotions are like an ocean
With waves that ebb and flow
Washing warm and cold, beware
Also, the undertow that drowns me
From time and again, in feelings
For which I have no use, refuse.
Will you find the patience
To weather moods, disturbances
In my equanimity? I hardly do
And it all belongs to me.
There are days I need to escape
The prison of what I am, but
My jailor is unwilling to grant any
Leave, breaking out an impossibility.
Writing though, and reading,
Grant me some serenity, words
Are love and I can find, perhaps,
Another searching soul with
Whom I have an affinity.
Come now, come near, and let us
Discover whatever is and will be,
It should all be okay, we shall see,
I will not give up the fight
As long as hope survives that you
Might deign to place your heart
Near the fullness of mine.

Composed here, live, out of nowhere. I admit I have been wrestling with inferiority. I have doubts about my worth and my sustainability. Those are near-constant, but I believe there is some talent in me. Fifty-three years of writing had to have some purpose.

Alex keeps telling me I should get rid of my books. It is killing me. I do not know how to explain what they mean, even the many I have not read. I read library books almost exclusively for years, but the books I own are a comfort to me. I have sent all the borrowed books back. Delving into these of mine has been a revelation, I fear I should have done it sooner. If he has his way, what a loss I shall suffer. I think this persistent demand of his is one reason depression has been unfailingly dogging me.

Let your whole being
Become Love’s celebration,
Your fascination.

As a prompt: Follow your emotion somewhere and create something that elucidates where yourself is at the moment. All my prompts are meant for creation with no particular medium restriction. Most creatives, which means all of us, are multidisciplinary.

I am grateful that this morning when Facebook malfunctioned and I had a full-blown panic attack, that I got myself under control with Alex’s assistance, and I recovered my account. Yeah, life is bizarre. When devices do not work, I go a bit unhinged.

Blessings to all of you, and may all your electronics function as advertised. Be well. Choose joy. Keep moving, it is harder to hit someone in motion. Carry on…

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

 

Elsewhere

The novel I should be writing, because I have many pages, is titled Otherwise Entertained. Should you have an interest, you can visit, Chronicles, and find most of it. I do not recall the exact locations at this moment, but I think it is mostly in 2012’s NaNoWriMo month, and then scattered about a bit. I was doing my first Creativity Project around then, a whole year and a half.

My novel presents a scene that is elsewhere, and yet, a part of that story at the same time. It is a problem. I know what to write, I just know it will stretch beyond plausibility, and I know the story cannot move without it. Plus, I procrastinate, I am the best at it.

Elsewhere

It is where I go
When the world becomes too hard
For my tired desire,
I wrap myself in mysteries,
Fancy creativity;
Search within for love
Enough to carry me on
Into cruel hard times,
When my mind becomes a pool
All dangerous, dark, obscure.
Impossible now,
Escape an imaginative
Dream, when I am lost
To whoever I may be,
But I come winning again.
Steal me sweet Elsewhere,
Take me wherever then set
Me firm so I can succeed
In this, every reality,
Let Love minister to me,
Healing this wounded soul as
Freedom becomes, Elsewhere, mine.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

By the way, these entries, unless denoted differently, are being written in real-time on the date of appearance. The goal of the Creativity Project is to make things each day, not present pre-created works. Some of the photos are, however, from other times.

As a prompt: What is your elsewhere, where do you find strength? Create something that shows it or what it does.

I am grateful to be done proofing, although I could use more funds. I think tomorrow I may take some time away from here.

All you be careful, create, love, celebrate the pure joy of life. Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I hope you found something that inspired you. Follow the site or come back when you can. God Bless and Keep You, Always, and Forever.

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Reading List, So Far, 2020

I am doing this because I do not do on-site reviews for retailers or GoodReads anymore, well, almost exclusively. I will note how I read each, the media, at the beginning. I am including Amazon links. I do not long retain enough because I ingest so much print, to give you more than a brief overview. If I have that much memory, I am lucky. Something in my disease affects all that, but it is to your advantage, I cannot go on forever about books I loved.

Kindle – The Powers by Mark W. Erwin, 204 pages – 5 stars: Reminded me of The Secret, but had a more God-centered focus. It should be said that those who are non-Christians should find no offense, and the advice appears sound.

Kindle – Somewhere In Time by Richard Matheson, 321 pages – 5 stars: I am a time-travel buff, love to read about it, write about it, look at the science, so I loved this book. It is flawlessly written, it contains mystery, and though I avoid romance, it has a love story. You cannot go wrong with this one. It is a timeless classic.

Kindle –  The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie, 465 pages – 5stars: First, I will tell you I got 25 pages in and was so disgusted, I quit. I dislike doing that, but the book was primarily written in the second person, and I abhorred reading it. Give me a few days with my conscience, and well, I went back. I am a sucker for stories with gods, goddesses, and mankind all meddling in one another’s affairs. So I read, read, and read until I finished. Mythology and Egyptology were some of my favorite subjects back in the day. It is not so strange that I still enjoy such entertainments.

Kindle – Tell The Wolves I’m Home by Carol Rifka Brunt, 367 pages  – 5 stars: This book could wrench the gut and bring on tears in ways that run deep. There is art, family dynamics, misunderstood relationships, blame, and AIDS, plus two pre-teens to teens growing up. I think you should read it, but hey, I could be wrong.

Kindle Unlimited – Why Poetry by Matthew Zapruder, 256 pages – 5stars, but truthfully, 10 stars: I read a lot of writing craft books. I try to learn all I can. What was unusual about this book was just a few words, maybe a page could set my mind off to the point I had to write. I am not sure I learned a lot, it was just motivating. The author is so gifted and writes so well. If you create poetry, do not miss this one.

I have several books underway, and if there is interest, I can make a list from 2019. I am reading things I own now. 2019 was primarily library books.

I hope you found something to spark your interest.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

 

Creative Variety

Day Seven – 2020 Creativity Project

Wookie watching Wick

Wookie raptly watching a movie. Edited version.

I have been on the internet since 1991. Creatives are among my favorite people. A baseline normal between creatives, we are all original individuals. Our personalities, gifts, characteristics, styles, spirituality, beliefs, all those, and more make us unusual, and yet we are alike. There is a spark in the room when creatives meet. We chatter, and we immediately find something which we can relate to within one another.

Many of us are introverts, we will find ways to sequester ourselves in privacy. Though we can lay that aside long enough to perform something we believe in. Sometimes, this is almost too hard. What should we write, draw, paint, photograph, what tools use? Is art worthwhile? Is the meaning and connotation of a word correct? Is it perfect, or close enough, no one can see the seams, the erasures? The picture, should it have been edited, or was the original better? Will anyone read, will they care, will someone?

Uncertainty seems to come with the territory, but we can stand loud and proud when we feel we must. Our hearts are open, our minds malleable, our work forever with us. Dreams are waking us to grab tools of record in the dire hours of the night. We study, then find it not enough, and explore more.

When the curtain draws down, we will be begging long enough to get the current work complete. Dame Death can wait…

Maybe I exaggerate, I am a poet who writes stories, essays, and attempts books. I do these Creativity Projects that tax me beyond belief. I believe in making myself work because if I do not commit, I might crawl into a cavern and secret myself away. Figuratively speaking darlings, if I had a cavern, we would have sleepovers on crisp nights.

I did poems today, but I am not satisfied with any of them, then when am I confident of the writing I do? I think it is why I read so much. I can twine my mind in someone else’s creation. Anyway, you are warned.

Down, Upsideways

Touched by the feather
Of a snowy dove named love
My soul reaches up
Toward Heaven way above
Then stretches out and abroad.

I inhale the breeze
Breathing out weighty worry;
Then again process,
Exhaling stores of kindness and joy
Praying health, happiness, prosperity to all.

I hope good fortune
Will find ample opportunity in many lives;
People who shall discover
Grace as comfort always
And fullness of faith as a living fire.

SWAP

Can I be you now?
I know I should not ask,
But you seem self-assured,
Only for today, until
The time day goes undercover
Where we can dream mysteries
We might never encounter if
Our lives did not intersect,
Combine, entwine, meld,
Like no one knows but we
In on the secrets only we two may
Comprehend, understand;
How will our hearts ever beat
Quite the same as prior, after
Sharing who we really are?
Do you realize how precious,
Surpassing grand are the gifts
You within yourself do own?
We might be explorers, ah, home.

Perpetually

Let us live forever
Remembered by generations
Whose opportunity to know
Us is only in the creations
We leave behind in time.
What we share with others
What we release from within,
Those  bits and pieces of thought
Captured in any set form
Can transmit over eras
Perhaps helping someone grow
Into a person better suited
To survive whatever may
Become their experience
In living a maximum life.

I hope you found something of worth, I have not felt like I could do this today. The Quits have set in. You know that saying, “You should not be doing this. It is not any good. Give up.” Yeah, my brain has not yet learned, “Never Give Up!” is stronger. Anyway, thank you for visiting. If you wish there is a follow button, or come back when you like.

All the best to you, and keep reaching for your goals, I believe in you. I thank God this marvelous tool brings us together. I hope I did not go over long today. Sometimes, if you knew, I have lots to share.

Wookie watching television, movie. Less edited version.

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© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Resistance Overcome

Day Six – 2020 Creativity Project 

I do not believe in the concept of creative block, which includes Writer’s BlockI think we are capable of constant creative output, not, however, that all of it is fit for public consumption.

I keep a planner with brief notes most days, a gratitude journal frequently, a brain dump journal much of the time, and I write more creatively a lot. Today is day six, the resistance has unearthed itself and come to stand like a Spartan, with shield ready to repel me. “You SHALL NOT pass!” Yeah, um, that will not work. I, tentatively, committed to be here and do this, so it is happening.

Thing is I do not often know what to write. I could call it a block, but really it is not. It is usually that I have enough ideas flying around like kamikazes; eventually, I will find one to rescue. Ever tried to talk a suicidal idea into allowing you to work with it? It can be a bit of a challenge. A tribe of screaming banshees jump up, down, yelling, “Why in tarnation are you doing this, it is too much. Quit, quit, quit already. Why torture yourself.” Take a chill pill and climb aboard cause this train is gaining momentum, and negative hoodlums are not in the engine compartment.

If I hit a boulder too large to push out of the way, there are means. I am not afraid to employ dynamite, but it requires strategic planning. I will take note of the obstacle, then I will step away and make preparations. I may read, especially creativity, writing, or art instruction books. I am also apt to write sheer junk, where I give license to my critic and all its cronies in negativity, to spew. I write the crap down to clear my head. Afterward, I say, “Enough, shut TF up!” I pulverize the boulder, and I do what I do, which is create.

I am guessing most creatives face similar challenges, you may not use the same images to objectify what goes on, but you probably have your things. I am well acquainted with resistance. Creativity is not effortless, or everyone would be writing bestsellers, painting art to rival the Sistine Chapel, making blockbuster movies to vie with Star Wars, or creating software to supplant Windows and Apple OS. Though some of us are achieving, many never get out of the gate.

Kudos to you when you keep on long enough to make something out of thin air. The world needs your ideas, creations, methods, support, determination. People need to know that giving up, cashing out, leaving the stage is not an option. Life is difficult, but when we open our imaginative minds, we bring new concepts, stories, creations to life. We find the hope we and others need and the love to survive in the desolation.

Be well, create, love like it is your only chance, dream, and make dreams real. Make resistance reach for the sky and cartwheel by it, leaving it to wonder who you are and where you are bound. You are chosen for this time, place, position, do what you are meant for, and do it with passion. The more love you expend, the more you will have to give, and the more will come to you. Be a creator and make 2020 your year, if you do not believe in you, someone else will go in your place doing it half as well.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

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