Mayhap, Or No

Though I dreamed it fair
I never possessed the heart
I would have as mine,
We stood apart, still afar,
But once upon yesterday…
It was possible,
Now separate worlds, being
Another journey,
No offering to place before
The portal, compartmental.
I gave what was mine
It went unclaimed, disregarded,
I am picking up pieces
Readying to set out anew,
Maybe it can never be,
I shall, as usual, be okay,
Not really, I fall so deep,
Dark swallows me
But I am reaching out.
Love is always a heartbeat,
A thought, a word well-spoken
In the coming, the making, away.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is post 56 for January, one for every year I have lived. I think that is awesome. I have not written that much in years. I do have to up my photography game. All the images are mine, but I have not taken new ones each day, and to do this right, I should be posting handwritten journal pages. Sometimes, what you can do has to be enough. I intend to celebrate.

As a prompt: I challenge each of you to write at least your age in posts in February. If you take the challenge, let me know.

Breakfast For Supper

You all do know I am an authentic Georgia Peach, born and raised. I know some call it dinner, but sometimes it is supper. As much as I hate cooking, people I do it for make no noise, but thank you. I hate the time involved, but I know how to cook. No one ever leaves food on their plates (because by the time I served, they were about ready to be measured for a coffin). They often say, “Thank you; it was delicious.”

Tonight was steak and eggs; all jazzed up. I have been a single mom for most of Alex’s life. We never afforded “prime cuts,” round steaks were our go-to steak. They are a little tough, but if you cook them easy, they are better than hamburgers (of which I am no fan).

The eggs got extra-sharp cheddar, ham, and salad tomatoes (one of my favorite snacks).

I had not cooked these in a long time, three years or more, so I did not do it as well as I would have liked. Tasted great, though, and that counts for something. See, I hate to waste time in the kitchen. Too much creating to do. Walking too. I must walk because I love to eat.

Unretouched photo. I wanted to share, but my steps are behind.

We enjoyed it, and maybe I will do it again in the future.

I hope you are ready for February, cause it will not wait.

Have fun. Keep creating. Love everyone; you have opportunity because the world needs love and understanding.

This is a phone post if you find errors blame Samsung because I am sure on the computer it would be impeccable

51 In A Month – Be LOVE

Be LOVE

Moments and moments,
Sourced by the Savior, precious
Beyond our counting,
We only gain what we can give
In loving others who need.

Opening hearts, minds,
In service gives us riches,
Money cannot match,
People, everyone, priceless;
Called as vessels of Light.

Shine day-bright before
Those hidden in the darkness,
Help captives break free;
We must be the hello, where
Some never dare to reach, go.

Let every woman,
Child, and man, understand Love
Is with them always,
No matter what sunken depths;
There is a plan, Love, freedom.

Not one forgotten,
Not one without care, nor lost,
We bring peace, hope, Love,
Because we were once without
Help, but we were rescued, found.

No matter our place
We can be kind, reassuring,
To someone yearning
For a friend, confidant; Love
Is the greatest gift we share.

Then Jesus can step
In, and through Love bring one
To Him over time,
We sow Love, sometimes harvest
Comes by infinite degrees.

The purpose of my 2020 Creativity Project is to work creatively every day. I did not set out to do multiple posts. It amazes me that some days I churn out material like a milkmaid. Honestly impressed, though I know some posts went unread. I try to decide what is wrong with those, but I do not get it. I have no magic to force visibility.

As a prompt, I challenge you to lay aside your dejection, depression, or bad mood, should you have one. Go out of your way to brighten up someone’s day. Maybe the drive-thru employee, the overworked clerk, the stranger who looks too sad, put on a smile and a bit of cheer and treat them like a celebrity. Afterward, see how you feel and create something about your experience. You know, all of us have baggage, we just need to help each other carry on.

I am grateful:

Sometimes I can believe in me, even though I under-achieve and fail to live up to my potential.
God does not create any junk.
Things work out better than planned once in a while.
I have a wonderful son, even though I irritate him. He is a good one.
It is Friday, and I may or may not post again.

Pens, Tanka, Joined Tanka Poems; & More

Most people I know who are writers are pen aficionados, and I am guilty. I have been collecting pens for an age. I like to put them at the top of my website, but their provenance varies. The one up there now is one of a bunch I picked up during the time Target had exotic pens. I could afford to spend very little on them, and there they were. I do not think any of them were over $10.

The thing about those pens is that many of them are just as beautiful as costly ones today. I try to control my obsession.

Behave, stop looking,
Now, do not go there, be good,
Avoid, remain free,
Go look at the collection
No pen do you need, require.

I once thought if I had a Mont Blanc, I would have arrived as a writer. Sam’s Club used to sell them in the 2000s. I had worked for a while, then wound up hospitalized. While working, I got my pen. My thoughts on arrival were erroneous. I begin to doubt ever arriving. My investment in becoming a competent and self-educated writer, though, has been intense.

Alex is after me to get rid of books and clothes, and I am not reacting docilely to the suggestion. He has not gone after the pens, though. I can hope he has not noticed, but more likely, being trained in military tactics, he is biding his time and wishing to obtain those other objectives before attacking another front.

He told me today, for the first time in my life, I wish you were normal. I wish I were normal, it would be so much easier. I have never been normal. I do thank God I am at least partially functional.

Today, I got the call par excellence, Monday, is my trip to the psychiatrist. As usual, I would love to instead send someone else, attend by proxy. All-day, it takes all day.

Love Holds

I think of you, blue,
The sky, sea, the heart of me,
Without an answer,
I think my incompetence
Yet I dream you, many things.

Did I say too much
Or provide you too little,
I was way off stride,
So much depends on the words
Yet, sometimes language evades.

I fought crystal tears
Light icicles, waterfalls,
Wonder if I am
Anything, anyone, one
Better than imagining.

I step back into
Shadows, blue-black and opaque,
If it is, maybe,
Time freely given, settles,
Around these forsaken feet.

Time is a captor
Of hearts, loves all meant sublime
Whatever will be,
Will be, times without number
At my organ, I sang and played.

I thought to have left
Uncertainties behind, but
I find the circle
Wheels round, round, over again
But I scarce remember why.

As a prompt: Our hearts and minds often overwhelm us. If you feel your emotions, thoughts, adrift in a whirlpool, put a hook in, and pull out something. Then take it, elaborate, gnaw at it, and create a work in your chosen art. Let it be random. If that means a computerized randomizer or a jar with slips of paper, it might be just what you need.

I want you to know you are beautiful, worthy, talented, and you have a purpose. Do not give up. Many people believe you are precious, even if they do not express it. You, you be the one to express love and sow hope. I believe in you.

When we open our eyes to nature, even the weeds are beautiful. God creates paintings if we choose to see.

Little Pleasantries

Nothing showy you all, just little things. Firstly, I did not want to go to town (anywhere not in the woods), today. Alex has been visiting his father and left Goobi, the cat, with my dogs and me. Goobi needed food. The city was necessary; I could not allow Goobi to starve.

It was not raining, which I have mentioned we are in the “rainy season.” The Explorer, though somewhat dirty, was not as bad as I expected. Alex and Maui have used it extensively. Mostly there are white hairs and footprints, but I was pleasantly surprised. The tank was almost empty, and that was about $35, but the station was not crowded, and it went smoothly.

I went to Kroger and picked up a few things, then got directed to the cat food. A three-pound bag was almost $12. Then I looked again, the tag said a limited quantity only this flavor was $3.60 per three-pound bag. This was Nutro Salmon and Brown Rice. There were two bags, but one was all the way at the back. My short self tried to reach it, a no-go. I walked up the aisle and saw nothing with length to it, and there seemed to be a shortage of available tall humans. I really like tall humans, they are handy. I keep one when I can. I looked the other way and saw some lint brushes. I was not sure these were sufficient, but anything is worth a try once, almost. I stood on the bottom shelf. You have seen short people doing this. I am sure I do not recommend it, but desperate times… I managed to snag the food. My way of seeing things, God set that up for me.

I went to Dairy Queen for an M&M Blizzard as a truly nutritional lunch. When the owner’s son gave me my receipt, he told me to do the survey, and he would give me a large blizzard for the cost of a medium, which is not what the paper says, but I know some people.

Alex was not with me, so I was not on a mission at Sam’s Club, and I browsed around as I do. Checking stock, checking prices, dreaming over books. I talked to a lady over the grapes. Sam’s likes to move things around and confuse customers. We talked about how their produce is superior to Kroger’s, and she agreed. I had discussed my theory on that with Alex, and without trotting it out, the lady’s experience agreed with my thoughts. We talked for several minutes, and it was delightful. Then when I went to leave, she said, “God Bless You!” I returned it with my own, but it felt so good to have an utter stranger bless me.

Another lady was looking at coffee, and I asked her which kind she liked. She said most anything, just not designer flavored coffees. She walked away, but when I came to the end of the aisle, she told me her real thing was creamers. We talked some more, and we were both smiling and pleased with the conversation.

The thing is I have severe social anxiety, and I am working on it by talking to strangers. It is fun, but the overthinking afterward, I could leave off.

I came home and got over-heated going in and out of a 57-degree house. Then I got cold. Because the propane will not deliver until Monday, I turned the central heat to 65. Then I decided to rock out to Newsboys and had to turn the heat off.

Life is amazing. People are so precious, beautiful.

God goes before us. We are loved.