Tanka, This Day, 2019

Sometimes an artist
Dies a million times before
They tell a story,
Sometimes satisfaction will
Resurrect, restore a life.

What Good’s In You?

The Journal Writing prompt today is: Make a list of 20 things you like about yourself.

Believe it or not, this is going to be a difficult assignment. The thing is, according to my mood, I can tolerate myself or hate myself. The tendency toward antipathy is strong.

Here goes:

I am creative.
I love deeply and extravagantly.
The son I raised is an outstanding success.
I am a writer.
I am an artist (perhaps not a very good one, but I have some gifts).
I choose never to stop learning.
I want to be like Jesus.
I made my Mom’s final years bearable and kept her at home.
I do not allow Schizo-Affective Disorder to defeat me, though sometimes it is touch and go.
I have excellent taste.
Animals love me.
Children love me. (Ah, geez, I am running out of things to say. Whatever else?)
I am generous.
I sing.
I work with technology despite the fact I never got the hang of typing very well.
I am an early-adopter.
I am capable of teaching things I know.
I have empathy.
I have overcome most of my worst habits.
I have a wide variety of friends.

Bonus: I am still here, even though I fight suicidal ideation more than I like.

Okay, I did it. Can you? Can you step out of the negatives that often besiege us, and count yourself a blessing? I suggest you do it. It might brighten your day. Appreciate yourself.

The Bible says we should love others as ourselves. It implies the prerequisite that we love who we are to love others better.

Fragments

These fragments are six-word stories or poems. Often working in such a limited form can rouse the imagination and spark creativity. Any of these three ideas could become a story or even a book.

The watch stopped; no one moved.

Two dogs, too many, to master.

Now, no one answers the phone.

As a prompt, try six-word stories. You may find you have a way out of the doldrums. Forms can be a creative vehicle of great power.

As I play with fragments, there are always haiku. So here is one.

We can fall over
Ourselves trying to behave
Outside who we are.

Things Work Together

There was a time, many years ago, when I did not have a dog and was in a bad state because of my Schizo-Affective Disorder.

My weight had been a battle all my life, and at this juncture, I chose to begin walking daily. To my great surprise, when I came out the first time to walk, a lovely Weimaraner was waiting right outside the door. This angel dog accompanied me on my walks, probably over a year.

It was there every day, no matter what time I chose to go for my walk. Seeing this beautiful animal and basking in its love helped me continue in the exercise even though, typically, I’m not too fond of exercise.

Today, as I dive into another challenge, I remember I am supported in many ways when I attempt to improve.

The dog was real, it went home down another street every day, but it was faithful to walk with me. It chose to be my friend.

That Will Do…

Ladies and gentlemen, this is notice. I cannot continue gaining the weight I already once lost. As someone told me when I said I was having problems bingeing, “That is not you.”

He is correct. I know how to do this, so I got my gear out, put on my tough suit, and started toward where I must be.

Working with weights on gives an extra special burn. Pain, yeah, going to rock it to the prize.

On antipsychotics and antidepressants, it is difficult to avoid weight gain. They are drugs that cause it. I have even lost a considerable amount in opposition to the prescriptions before. I have not gained back to where I was when my journey started in 2013, but if I do not take action, I will. My appetite never lets up, it hounds me 24/7/365, but I, I am stronger than my urges. I will succeed at this again.

I am a tremble with fear and hope, but is it not always like that when we run up against the impossible and choose to conquer it?