Some races we cannot win Though we try and try again, But we may endeavor to make Of everything, a thing to take Away in beneficial learning Advancing as more discerning, Improving for the days coming. Suffering is extremely painful, But also, can be gainful, For if we overcome our problems And even should we not solve them, We are more resilient in the end, Than when we did, our trial begin. Much becomes of having it all, But along the way, we often fall. Our failures give us an appreciation For the moments of approbation We, in relation ourselves, better know And realize life is ours always to grow.
For some of us, particularly females, the quest for a weight we deem acceptable is lifelong. My battles started in probably middle school, maybe before. I have been a diet soda addict as long as I can remember.
I have done every diet, gone to every gym, exercised excessively, put my self at risk with amphetamines, fasted. I have rarely liked my body and regularly hated myself.
For me, it was never so much the models and movie stars; it was the derision from my peers, both male and female. When a man I adored said he hated to take me out to restaurants with him because it was embarrassing to see me gorge myself, it nearly destroyed me.
Since 1997 I have been medicated continuously with drugs that cause weight gain and/or hinder weight loss. At worst, I was over 200 pounds.
I longed to take control, but nothing seemed doable. In December 2013, Samsung released the first version of its smartwatch, the Gear. I tend to be if I can, an early adopter. I had read the hype, and on the day the Gear hit the stores, I got one. It had a pedometer but worked from the wrist. I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app onto my S3 and paired with the Gear; I determined to change my life.
I did. At the end of 2014, I was 140 pounds and a slim size 6. At the lowest, I reached 135 pounds.
I did well until I had a devastating series of losses. By 2019, my weight was slipping up. I hated myself again. Depression, suicidal ideation, medication changes, and the fact that Under Armour bought MyFitnessPal and added pop-ups for which my reaction was to ditch the app, worked against me.
In 2020, with the pandemic, minimal contact with human beings beyond the screen, I reached 173 pounds. That was too much. So, I told someone I was bingeing, and the reply was, “That’s not you!” Somehow those three words gave me the impetus to grasp control and wrench myself back from the edge.
A few weeks have passed. I am down to 160 pounds. At this point – last time, I enlisted the help of Body Change coach John Cena. I have no such option now. So it is me against the urge to eat frequently.
I shall win. My appetite is always ravenous because of my prescriptions, but I have to do this, so there you are.
It is a miracle I am alive, and I believe that God shall not abandon me on this journey. I pray, and I do not bring home the things that I cannot resist.
If you think it is easy, don’t. It is not, and never has been.
The bravest of hearts May lose its way along paths Insecure, doubtful; Love’s gifts may lift the troubled High enough to trust, believe.
Live yourself each day, If you somehow lost your way During yesterday Make today your tour de force, Continue in taking charge. Living this one life Generously given you To make an impact, Explore your paths of purpose Spread love, care, creatively. Standing in limelight May never become your fate, But a difference can Be made in many moments Choosing kindness to spare, share. You are a precious Child of the Creator held Eternally in blessing, Never forget no matter What occurs, you are valued.
What is harder than diamonds, But fuels like coal? The blatant disregard We have for the dear things Held sacred within people’s souls. Often, we, unknowing As a freshly diapered babe Are only in ourselves given to see What shines, brilliantly bright, Though around us circle Unnumbered universes of light – Revealed in eyes that announce Narratives of creation, creativity, Inspiration, independently sourced. We unthinkingly rush In Abhorrent uniform to wreak Havoc with demands to conform – The mountains, oceans, sky, Beg, please have mercy on Everyone, see, hear, know All are brief and majestic, Passing flowers of eternity. We never exist alone, galaxies, Civilizations, populations Are inherently our home. No strangeness is too strange, For love survives all vexation, Bringing reflections of potentiality. Remember everything, every – One of us is striving to graduate To higher realms of becoming, Being, meaning, which cannot Block out or isolate the present.
Haphazard Creative 
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