Life Intrudes

Haphazard Creative has always been a place to share creativity. I have not made much of my life issues here. I am going to now.

I am having a hard time dealing with things. I had a medication change at my last appointment. My doctor and I discussed escalating symptoms.

Since I lost my Mom, it has been increasingly difficult for me to believe I have a purpose. Being alone is not ideal, then going out is hard because I tend to isolate myself. I have trust issues exacerbated by paranoia.

My insecurity and self-censure grow. I am trying to continue a creative practice, but it is steadily more difficult. Dealing with Schizo-Affective Disorder has never been easy, but before, I had family support with me. I could reality check when I needed it. I believe it is why I have thus far survived.

I am trying to get a daytime schedule in the midst of all this, and it is complicating matters. I am typically a night owl.

I have several pain issues too.

Please be patient as I try to get through everything that is taxing me. I am going to attempt continuation, but tonight I feel like creativity is a bit luxurious. I need to survive; living is another level.

Elements may all
Come together to grant dreams
But it sometimes seems
That everything conspires to
Slow progress on every track.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Do We…

Do we too quickly
Forget those we sudden lost?
Do we count our love
Easily replaced by one
Who comes new into our lives?
Do we pray Heaven
Has sweet mercy on everyone?
Days are short, life brief,
Have we given in and up
Because change is difficult?
Are we listening
To the cares others admit?
Are souls important,
Do we point them to matters
Concerning eternity?
Do we pray the end
Of war, fear, pain, loss, hunger?
Maybe we should act –
We could become bodies
Ministering toward LIFE!

It came to me that the Coronavirus crisis has some parallels to the devastation we felt after September 11th. Not so many were lost on 911, but we came together, forgetting all our divisions. Globally we need to do the same to recover and make the world better than it was before this disaster.

Tonight, I put on the music that came out to raise money for victims of 911. If you have some of those discs or MP3s loaded somewhere, maybe you could give them a listen.

Remember, if we all work together, there is almost nothing the people of the world are unable to accomplish.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Desertion

I do not like my attitude
Because the more sheltered,
Fragile, aloof, undone, I become,
Shunning the very who
“I am” without answers enough
To continue discourse, going on.
The blanks on the form, incomplete,
My chapters – scattered pages,
Ransacked by a masked bandit,
Spouting platitudes, cruel absurdities,
And a following merciless wind.
I puzzle, is there reason to
Gather the shattered parcels
Beginning again, or static flowing,
Starting over from wherever
This desolate evocation may lead?
Exhaustion holds, reigns, a tyrant,
Denying will, energy to
Accomplish anything more than
Lying hidden under a patchwork
Become the basis of my identity.
No, no one wishes to know anything
Less than living aglow with joy,
Shiny, lately seemly, outfitted
In the precious, finest, able
To overcome, become a winner.
No lodging for suffering through,
Toiling to bail what has sunken,
With trouble, misuse, neglect.
Resurrections are only for long ages
Gone, because no one knows how
Love, the price for raising dead
And dying can be suitably applied,
The parts lost once meant
To play victory, wandered far astray.
Today fades within a moment
Into the garlanded past, yesterday.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Abbreviated

Richard’s beautiful Orange Tabby, who is never entirely sure I am okay. Tonight I agree with him because I seem to have acquired a toothache that is also a headache.

I returned my DirecTv equipment today, so I have cut the cord and sunk the satellite. The amount of television I watch is so minimal; I probably will never miss it.

I do recommend streaming Peaky Blinders, Good Omens, and The Expanse. I only finished Good Omens. On Audible, I loved The Sandman. If you gathered, I am a Neil Gaiman fan; you read clues well.

The poem so heavy with images was an experimental rewrite; I probably should post the original of Same. I am on my phone tonight without my computer because I have been spending some respite time with Richard. It will wait. I do not like poetry on mobile because it always inserts extra spaces when I write.

Prompt: Tell someone you love that you do.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan