Every month it is The same – others on me have Claims, well, more upon My funds, they all want money, For my life to smoothly run. I allocate this Here, that there, everyone gets Their (un)fair share of What I have got which is not A lot, but I cannot complain. The dogs and I, we Still can eat and have a place To stay, play, and sleep. Life is not bad, could be worse, I will keep smiling, happy, At peace with what is My universe, thankful Christ Oversees all things Taking care that we are well, Safe, blessed beyond deserving.
Our halos fell off Many long years ago, or Perhaps never once Were ours, here to wear, joy share; Life is bizarre now, never The things one expects, Disorganized, time of plague. Disaster movies Did not well prepare us all; Constant stress, no withdrawal. Government, all states Of confusion, shattered gates, Disillusion where Clear-eyed justice is sorely Needed in citizens’ control. Pandemic, if we Can believe it, some less so, Numbers rising much Higher, how can anyone Deny contagion, people die. If you love someone Do not hesitate to tell How much you love, care, For as these days go onward We can on little depend Even less believe In temporal existence; We lack any guarantees. Still, God sovereign reigns, Even in this mess, we find rest, When we share our love With those who need to know all Is not lost, for together We will build futures, Shoring up the brokenness Living better than before.
For some of us, particularly females, the quest for a weight we deem acceptable is lifelong. My battles started in probably middle school, maybe before. I have been a diet soda addict as long as I can remember.
I have done every diet, gone to every gym, exercised excessively, put my self at risk with amphetamines, fasted. I have rarely liked my body and regularly hated myself.
For me, it was never so much the models and movie stars; it was the derision from my peers, both male and female. When a man I adored said he hated to take me out to restaurants with him because it was embarrassing to see me gorge myself, it nearly destroyed me.
Since 1997 I have been medicated continuously with drugs that cause weight gain and/or hinder weight loss. At worst, I was over 200 pounds.
I longed to take control, but nothing seemed doable. In December 2013, Samsung released the first version of its smartwatch, the Gear. I tend to be if I can, an early adopter. I had read the hype, and on the day the Gear hit the stores, I got one. It had a pedometer but worked from the wrist. I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app onto my S3 and paired with the Gear; I determined to change my life.
I did. At the end of 2014, I was 140 pounds and a slim size 6. At the lowest, I reached 135 pounds.
I did well until I had a devastating series of losses. By 2019, my weight was slipping up. I hated myself again. Depression, suicidal ideation, medication changes, and the fact that Under Armour bought MyFitnessPal and added pop-ups for which my reaction was to ditch the app, worked against me.
In 2020, with the pandemic, minimal contact with human beings beyond the screen, I reached 173 pounds. That was too much. So, I told someone I was bingeing, and the reply was, “That’s not you!” Somehow those three words gave me the impetus to grasp control and wrench myself back from the edge.
A few weeks have passed. I am down to 160 pounds. At this point – last time, I enlisted the help of Body Change coach John Cena. I have no such option now. So it is me against the urge to eat frequently.
I shall win. My appetite is always ravenous because of my prescriptions, but I have to do this, so there you are.
It is a miracle I am alive, and I believe that God shall not abandon me on this journey. I pray, and I do not bring home the things that I cannot resist.
If you think it is easy, don’t. It is not, and never has been.
The bravest of hearts May lose its way along paths Insecure, doubtful; Love’s gifts may lift the troubled High enough to trust, believe.
Live yourself each day, If you somehow lost your way During yesterday Make today your tour de force, Continue in taking charge. Living this one life Generously given you To make an impact, Explore your paths of purpose Spread love, care, creatively. Standing in limelight May never become your fate, But a difference can Be made in many moments Choosing kindness to spare, share. You are a precious Child of the Creator held Eternally in blessing, Never forget no matter What occurs, you are valued.
Where the dream falls apart And our pieces are gathered Though there be stormy weather One finds what is hidden – matters – In the days, events, times given, A beauty of souls, phenomenal part. Here to premiere such talent, Extremely important, past, now, The time we are sore prepared to welcome But must live, learning to steer the craft, Leaning so the raft not capsize Plunging us to be molested by the waves Uncaring influence, with due diligence We enter the depths altogether surrounded. There exists no up, no down, and prayer, We cry, hoping we find grace in A timely, beneficial reply – though – In a heartache, we wonder if in wandering, We each turned too far aside, too insensitive, For the Lord in His mercy to arrive, Make His presence known for one, Alone, if it matters, this life to abide. How we must each together Summon the gumption to recall – One is never only, all creation, Every population supports who We trust ourselves to be, We must learn the lesson, LOVE, Is greater than individuality – The Fruit of God – purposefully.
Haphazard Creative 
You must be logged in to post a comment.