Category: Struggle

Close Enough

The rain falls down
Your hand in my pocket, warm,
Somehow we have to
Get ourselves out of the storm,
The umbrella comes between
The closeness that should
Forever be you and me.

It is not our grandparent’s
Wonderful life, we must be careful
Round here, to succeed, to survive.

Fires, they rage, so wild,
Out of control, gotta set up –
Some smoke control,
Breathing gets harder, exerts,
Until it almost sets up hurt,
Clouds on the horizon, but no,
It is the fire’s dark exhaust.

It is not our grandparent’s
Wonderful life, we must be careful
Round here, to succeed, to survive.

Screaming fills in the streets
One says this; another speaks that,
Someone with matches, pyromaniac fun,
The other has a gun in a pocket, heat,
That one has a knife in a boot, treat,
Control fled, no one knows how to live
Everyone is subject to being dead.

It is not our grandparent’s
Wonderful life, we must be careful
Round here, to succeed, to survive.

Your hand in my pocket,
Please do not let me go,
This world is a desolation,
Join me in the isolation
Check the windows, the doors,
No ingress for strangers
Can we now possibly afford.

It is not our grandparent’s
Wonderful life, we must be careful
Round here, to succeed, to survive.

Who have we finally become
Who cannot communicate,
Cannot show respect enough
To avoid a world that deteriorates?
Where did the love go, tell me,
We are all in this together,
If not, we will likely all fall.

It is not our grandparent’s
Wonderful life, we must be careful
Round here, to succeed, to survive.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

What Good’s In You?

The Journal Writing prompt today is: Make a list of 20 things you like about yourself.

Believe it or not, this is going to be a difficult assignment. The thing is, according to my mood, I can tolerate myself or hate myself. The tendency toward antipathy is strong.

Here goes:

  1.  I am creative.
  2.  I love deeply and extravagantly.
  3.  The son I raised is an outstanding success.
  4.  I am a writer.
  5.  I am an artist (perhaps not a very good one, but I have some gifts).
  6.  I choose never to stop learning.
  7.  I want to be like Jesus.
  8.  I made my Mom’s final years bearable and kept her at home.
  9.  I do not allow Schizo-Affective Disorder to defeat me, though sometimes it is touch and go.
  10. I have excellent taste.
  11. Animals love me.
  12. Children love me. (Ah, geez, I am running out of things to say. Whatever else?)
  13. I am generous.
  14. I sing.
  15. I work with technology despite the fact I never got the hang of typing very well.
  16. I am an early-adopter.
  17. I am capable of teaching things I know.
  18. I have empathy.
  19. I have overcome most of my worst habits.
  20. I have a wide variety of friends.

Bonus: I am still here, even though I fight suicidal ideation more than I like.

Okay, I did it. Can you? Can you step out of the negatives that often besiege us, and count yourself a blessing? I suggest you do it. It might brighten your day. Appreciate yourself. 

The Bible says we should love others as ourselves. It implies the prerequisite that we love who we are to love others better.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

That Will Do…

Ladies and gentlemen, this is notice. I cannot continue gaining the weight I already once lost. As someone told me when I said I was having problems bingeing, “That is not you.”

He is correct. I know how to do this, so I got my gear out, put on my tough suit, and started toward where I must be.

Working with weights on gives an extra special burn. Pain, yeah, going to rock it to the prize.

On antipsychotics and antidepressants, it is difficult to avoid weight gain. They are drugs that cause it. I have even lost a considerable amount in opposition to the prescriptions before. I have not gained back to where I was when my journey started in 2013, but if I do not take action, I will. My appetite never lets up, it hounds me 24/7/365, but I, I am stronger than my urges. I will succeed at this again.

I am a tremble with fear and hope, but is it not always like that when we run up against the impossible and choose to conquer it?

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Use Your Words

When we are upset
The best thing to be done is
For us to use words
Well;
Communication is key
To get all the things we need.
Better not resort
To violence and destruction,
Working situations out
Through
Discussion is a better option,
Which brings stronger resolutions.
Putting words on paper or screen
Can be a valuable tool
Letting us approach
Clarity,
Discovering our concrete ideas.
Using our words
Never indicates weakness
But shows intelligence and strength
Because choosing devastation
Is often a more straightforward solution
Than
Formulating a plan
To progress in creativity,
Building the present, ushering in
The future by making
The riskier effort to implement change.
Words build us up,
Encourage and inspire
To conquer difficulties
Eroding mountains of opposition
Into crowds of consolation
Where positivity can overcome
The landslide of negativity
Directed toward each of us
Perpetually.
It all began with the Word,
We withstand pain, trouble,
With carefully chosen words
That defend and guard us,
From what would harm us.
We do well to employ
Words
To do what seems too high
A hope, too large a dream,
A huge impossibility,
Because words have power
To change the world, reality.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Ready, Set, Klutz

I am a bit of a pen collector, even an aficionado, but do not trust me with fountain pens. I caution you to steer clear when I am in possession of one of these wondrous instruments.

Moments ago, I intended to remove the cap and use my Moonman, which fills with an eye-dropper, so it has a copious amount of ink. It did not go as planned. I instead opened the reservoir and poured ink all over the floor and myself, of course. As small as the ink containment is, it would seem the spatter would be minimal, but hey, black ink.

I have friends who are experts with fountain pens. I am not. I try. See, I want to be good with them, but I have horrendously comical experiences with them at almost every attempt.

I get almost the same results with rollerball pens, and I make less mess. I will not give up on the fountains; I will get okay with this; it is pens – I do ink pens.

As a prompt: Do you have a tool that defies your best efforts? Create something to celebrate your relationship.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan