For some of us, particularly females, the quest for a weight we deem acceptable is lifelong. My battles started in probably middle school, maybe before. I have been a diet soda addict as long as I can remember.
I have done every diet, gone to every gym, exercised excessively, put my self at risk with amphetamines, fasted. I have rarely liked my body and regularly hated myself.
For me, it was never so much the models and movie stars; it was the derision from my peers, both male and female. When a man I adored said he hated to take me out to restaurants with him because it was embarrassing to see me gorge myself, it nearly destroyed me.
Since 1997 I have been medicated continuously with drugs that cause weight gain and/or hinder weight loss. At worst, I was over 200 pounds.
I longed to take control, but nothing seemed doable. In December 2013, Samsung released the first version of its smartwatch, the Gear. I tend to be if I can, an early adopter. I had read the hype, and on the day the Gear hit the stores, I got one. It had a pedometer but worked from the wrist. I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app onto my S3 and paired with the Gear; I determined to change my life.
I did. At the end of 2014, I was 140 pounds and a slim size 6. At the lowest, I reached 135 pounds.
I did well until I had a devastating series of losses. By 2019, my weight was slipping up. I hated myself again. Depression, suicidal ideation, medication changes, and the fact that Under Armour bought MyFitnessPal and added pop-ups for which my reaction was to ditch the app, worked against me.
In 2020, with the pandemic, minimal contact with human beings beyond the screen, I reached 173 pounds. That was too much. So, I told someone I was bingeing, and the reply was, “That’s not you!” Somehow those three words gave me the impetus to grasp control and wrench myself back from the edge.
A few weeks have passed. I am down to 160 pounds. At this point – last time, I enlisted the help of Body Change coach John Cena. I have no such option now. So it is me against the urge to eat frequently.
I shall win. My appetite is always ravenous because of my prescriptions, but I have to do this, so there you are.
It is a miracle I am alive, and I believe that God shall not abandon me on this journey. I pray, and I do not bring home the things that I cannot resist.
If you think it is easy, don’t. It is not, and never has been.
I have been in a Journal Writing group that began on Yahoo and moved to Facebook for a very long time. Today, our moderator asked, “What Inspires You?” Me, being an equal opportunity opportunist jumped on the subject and brought it here. What follows are a few of my inspirations.
INSPIRATION:
Reading, writing, photography, kindness, the beauty of creation especially people, music, a taste, a smell, a sensation I cannot describe, light, shadows, my dogs, being alone, being free, you all here, knowing those who have gone still have influence in life, love, belief, togetherness, God’s presence and blessings, devices, shelter, chocolate, diet soda, everything my dears.
There is no limit to what can lead my mind to ponder. I wonder, is it like that for you? Do you have to be in a certain mood? I find myself often excited by the simple fact of being and must celebrate its vast array of goodness.
Life is dangerous
Never fair without God near;
The love of ages
On us befalls when we call
Jesus into our dreams, plans.
I am sure I fall
Far short of who I should be,
But it is beyond me.
I am grateful:
1. I have a Kirby.
2. I have stupendous dogs.
3. I have collected tons of books.
4. I am gifted with the ability to write.
5. I tend to inspire extreme loyalty in my friends, those few who remain.
Ladies and gentlemen, I wonder, do you like WordPress’ Block Editor? I tried it and found it was like hieroglyphics. I, therefore, reset my space to classic.
Thank you for visiting Haphazard Creative. I hope you found something to your liking and that you will follow or return to the site. It is my prayer that God keep each of you safe and blessed. No matter what may befall your circumstances rest in the assurance that you are much loved.
As a prompt, just to give you a boost, create something in celebration of your inspirations. Also, remember always, no matter what, never give up.
Haphazard Creative 
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