To Post Each Day: Lines

I have been using an unlined journal since late September. The hope was that I would “art journal.” It did not work to plan.

I had no idea I would start a 365 – 2020 Creativity Project. Now, I want to post handwritten pages like on my previous Creativity Project. I write better with lines, so I am beginning this journal. I like the cover very much.

Oh, but to write that first page, scary. The tone of the whole journal is set in those lines. What to say? This is, However, Whatever, Whenever, Wherever, Why? Volume Six.

Come around later and find out what will be.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Would you, could you, will you join me? I am sure there is room in the neighborhood.

I do not know if I will make 56 posts this month, but this is two, and I am committing to another today.

Coffee, Poems, Ramblings

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Alex went to bed. I am wired, see the photo above for an explanation. Alex wants me to cease drinking diet sodas, which I am catastrophically addicted to, and he believes coffee is the answer. The truth about coffee is it usually makes my acid reflux worse, (which I have ceased treatment for due to the lack of a colonoscopy). I did not have that problem this time. I take my coffee, much like a soda (with Splenda, and brew specific – a generous amount of vanilla extract), which might make it even worse than those drinks I am assured are killing me. I do not do compliance exceptionally well. There would seem to be some stubbornness on board.

Being stubborn very likely is the only reason I am alive. I could not fight my monsters without I were tenacious. The last few days have been abysmal at times, and by turns incredible. I am pleasantly surprised my recent coffee consumption is going well. I LOVE COFFEE, I just rarely drank any for the past couple of years. Coffee has superior caffeine, and caffeine makes some of the side effects of my powerful medicines a bit more manageable. I am fully compliant with my psychiatric medications, but I do not have to like them.

I am on The Dell. Whatever it was doing earlier failed, and it is in the process of trying again. I like computers, possibly better than other devices, probably because I have used them much longer. I love this one, but I also hate it. Ambivalence seems to be a widespread trait in my existence. There is very little I only have one end of the feeling scale over. Catch me at the right time; I love everything. The wrong one and I would be hard-pressed to tell you a positive thing among everything in my life.

Will You

Will you hold me close
When I turn myself around,
Inside-out, upside-down,
Lose who I am – hokey-pokey like;
Without rhyme and lacking reason?
You should know this happens
In and out of season, without control.
My emotions are like an ocean
With waves that ebb and flow
Washing warm and cold, beware
Also, the undertow that drowns me
From time and again, in feelings
For which I have no use, refuse.
Will you find the patience
To weather moods, disturbances
In my equanimity? I hardly do
And it all belongs to me.
There are days I need to escape
The prison of what I am, but
My jailor is unwilling to grant any
Leave, breaking out an impossibility.
Writing though, and reading,
Grant me some serenity, words
Are love and I can find, perhaps,
Another searching soul with
Whom I have an affinity.
Come now, come near, and let us
Discover whatever is and will be,
It should all be okay, we shall see,
I will not give up the fight
As long as hope survives that you
Might deign to place your heart
Near the fullness of mine.

Composed here, live, out of nowhere. I admit I have been wrestling with inferiority. I have doubts about my worth and my sustainability. Those are near-constant, but I believe there is some talent in me. Fifty-three years of writing had to have some purpose.

Alex keeps telling me I should get rid of my books. It is killing me. I do not know how to explain what they mean, even the many I have not read. I read library books almost exclusively for years, but the books I own are a comfort to me. I have sent all the borrowed books back. Delving into these of mine has been a revelation, I fear I should have done it sooner. If he has his way, what a loss I shall suffer. I think this persistent demand of his is one reason depression has been unfailingly dogging me.

Let your whole being
Become Love’s celebration,
Your fascination.

As a prompt: Follow your emotion somewhere and create something that elucidates where yourself is at the moment. All my prompts are meant for creation with no particular medium restriction. Most creatives, which means all of us, are multidisciplinary.

I am grateful that this morning when Facebook malfunctioned and I had a full-blown panic attack, that I got myself under control with Alex’s assistance, and I recovered my account. Yeah, life is bizarre. When devices do not work, I go a bit unhinged.

Blessings to all of you, and may all your electronics function as advertised. Be well. Choose joy. Keep moving, it is harder to hit someone in motion. Carry on…

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

 

2020/365 – The Reasons Why

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Why do I do Creativity Projects? This is not my first one and probably will not be my last. Why do I crazily decide to commit a year to come out in public with some work every day? Most know I regularly work, create most days without posting. Like now, I soon enough decide I should give up because there is a lack of engagement.

The thing is, I believe in LOVE, and believe in creativity as LOVE’s most actionable visible expression. If I do this – if I make myself produce something original each day of the year, maybe one person stumbles across what I am doing and is emboldened to create. If I inspire one to do something gorgeous and lasting out of LOVE, overcoming fear, that he or she would have left undone, it is worth my 365 efforts. The expression of ideas fuels changes in our lives – if we want a better world, we best be busy creating a platform from which it can be built and launched. The basis of a brighter day is LOVE.

I am not here only to make my things, to promote myself, I am here to move, encourage others to have fortitude enough to share their truth, their reality, in freedom and boldness. Together, perhaps, we may all move this populated globe toward an understanding of why we exist. Loving, supporting, helping, encouraging, accepting, inspiring, teaching, nurturing, building, nourishing, protecting, listening, cherishing, being friends, and companions together with every one of us – this is our individual and joint reason and purpose as human beings. We belong, all of us, we are precious.

We have what it takes to LOVE, and we should be busy about making it our business.

I hope that clarifies my mission and why it is important to me. It is no easy thing. The quit dogs me often, but I have never been one to give up.

Join me, do this thing yourself or just come back here when you feel the notion. I hope 2020 has taken off as a blessed year in your life. All the best in all you do.

This time do not let
It flow past you and away,
Capture it with LOVE!

I never know what will be until it comes, and I am grateful that this came in my journal. I like what it has to say. Have a great weekend. Fill it with moments to treasure and make what you dream happen.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Prose Poetry

Sitting in bed after midnight in those black hours where the lamp goldens the air, sometimes I find inspiration there. I turn to a pen and a journal because my mind I want to bare. A hand moving across paper laying down ink seems more connected to me than an electronic device manipulating ions.

However, when I bring it here, you freely see those mistakes I make. It is a bit scary, but I have never wanted much other than to be real. It is as I have almost always been before.

A discussion today involved imperfection being an element of our ideas of value in arts. Another was how freedom undiluted by opinion, especially in arts, allows us to be true to our ideals. So, I hope you like what I do, but I have to let my attachment to your opinion go. I know that is not popular, but it is how I must roll.

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I used the scanner today, the clarity seems much better than my phone. I am actually better with the more fundamental forms of technology.

If you only use devices now, as a prompt, try writing by hand. You do not have to share the handwriting, but see if your mental connection is different. You may find your production increases in freshness. Not being able to back up, erase, and edit can hold you to a standard that may be unfamiliar.

I edit better on-screen, but sometimes words line up in more musical ways when I write by hand.

I practiced handwriting extensively throughout my life. My writing hand, the right, is giving me some problems, I have arthritis, but I am keeping it active. Working very hard to retain my legibility so I can keep doing things like the above is essential.

I believe as we age, staying creatively active is a gift to help remain mentally agile. The small motor motions also help brains maintain robust neuronal, axonal, and dendrite activity.

I am thankful for the many blessings given to me. I am amazed at the gifts of which I partake in existing. I hope everyone can find beauty in their lives.

Be well, be you, chase your joy, create!

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

 

 

 

 

Exit 2019, Welcome 2020

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As we wave goodbye
To what we became and know,
We still share enough.
Our burdens we strip away
In effort to grow, survive,
Escaping the trap
Left behind like a list made
In haste, featuring
Doubt, observations obscure,
Uncertain meanings, some unknown.
Praying a grant, gift,
Of blessings, we tell ourselves
Focus, start this moment new
Build reality
From cherished dreams, independent,
No longer neglected, precious
As the life pulsing through us
Each one making our hope,
Love, present in human form.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Sunday, December 29, 2019

This poem is in answer to The Sunday Whirl. In the past, I did a lot of such work, but it has been some time. As a prompt, you could trek over there and participate.

I again changed some site settings. I was not happy with the lack of a pictorial header.

I am writing a decent amount now, here. I am thinking about taking up a 365 Creativity Challenge like I have done in the past, but it is a huge commitment. There does not appear a level of interest here to encourage that much engagement. It is rolling around in my brain like a marble in a pinball machine, though. So, it may or may not happen.

I am grateful:

  1.  My son, Alex, has been home over the holidays.
  2.  His two excursions away in my Explorer have gone well.
  3.  I am adept at working around my technology’s pitfalls.
  4.  We have made some little headway on getting my home under control.
  5.  I am optimistic about the opportunities for the coming year.

I appreciate your visiting, Haphazard Creative. I hope you will follow the site or come back as you have time and interest.

All the best to each of you going forward.