Reclaimed

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

As most of you may know, I lost my Mom several years ago after being her full-time caregiver for some years.

We both collected cups, although Mom had an altogether more impressive cache having had more money to spend.

We were active in CBC as long as she could go without danger or humiliation. In the singles group, I met Bernice, but she soon became a treasured friend of us both. She gave my Mom the cup above, which is by far one of the most unique I have seen.

This work of art was stored in a curio cabinet in the common area. A few weeks ago, as I was walking my circle through the house, I heard the beginning of a crash.

I was right beside the cabinet on my path, and an assortment of glass, ceramic, and china things Mom collected and painted fell out on the floor. The stud that held the shelf let go and tilted so that with the accumulated weight, the door opened, and much tumbled out to shatter.

The unique cup Bernice gifted Mom was not on that shelf, thankfully. I have been moving it around the house, hoping to keep it safe.

I was crushed that several figures Mom painted after I taught her how to help with her tremors were destroyed. I hope there are no such future occurrences.

I think this cup is so unusual; I thought I would share.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Short Riff

God help me, I’m broken –
Again I wanted, but found,
My presence was bound
To things which I wished
Less remembered, oft-forgotten.

_____________________________________

You will not recall
What happened on such a day;
Rain gets in the way.

_____________________________________

No one understands
Walking these many long miles
When pain arises.

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The library is
Spurned, all books now there returned;
Hands for paper yearn.

______________________________________

The number hidden
In our soul, how long we have –
So, love we must share,
Mete out kind encouragement,
And needful inspiration.

______________________________________

I have a longer piece in my journal which goes beyond the first bit. Unlikely, it, the public shall see. I hide, to save the heart of being me.

If you have not read the Fantasy & Science Fiction Magazine lately, you should check it out. Relentless by Dean Koontz which came out some years ago is also worth reading.

One day I will return to reviewing books I have read this year. This list grows long.

As a prompt: Use these words in your composition – concert, guitar, mug, closed window, ghost, fairing, shower, ultimately, lake, tetradactyl.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

I am thankful, sometimes when it all falls apart, God puts it back together better.

Mama said..

I miss her, she would have given me some wry bit of hope when I reported what I learned.

The fact I sleep little for the pain leads me in to the Orthopaedist for shots in my knees. The conversation today was ominous.

What I did after was catch hold of God through the music that allows me to live:

The Anchor Holds, God is in Control, Fear is a Liar, Shine, God’s Not Dead, Greatness of Our God, Chain Breaker, Miracles, God Only Knows, Children of the World, I’ll Fly Away, How Great Thou Art, We Believe, and more but I am not sure what. I sing these with the music. I also sing acapella, Come All Ye Faithful, Holy, Holy, Holy, Down By The Riverside, He’s Got The Whole World, Kumbaya, and by the time I get through, I think I will do until He is done with me.

Degenerative arthritis is just another thing to get through.

Sleep though, I need to find that elusive state. My mind will not keep without it.

I pick up a tune, set it loose, realize I am not the engine, just the caboose. I trust the couplings to hold me, keep me in line. I cannot see all the journey, and I know challenges will overrun, but I was given a destination, holding on to Jesus to keep me until I get there. Heaven waits.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Moms

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

To every woman who has borne a child, to those who have offered hearts of love to children in need of tenderness, you have my undying gratitude and respect. More than anything else, those who nurture children are heroines of the super denomination. God bless every one.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Life Intrudes

Haphazard Creative has always been a place to share creativity. I have not made much of my life issues here. I am going to now.

I am having a hard time dealing with things. I had a medication change at my last appointment. My doctor and I discussed escalating symptoms.

Since I lost my Mom, it has been increasingly difficult for me to believe I have a purpose. Being alone is not ideal, then going out is hard because I tend to isolate myself. I have trust issues exacerbated by paranoia.

My insecurity and self-censure grow. I am trying to continue a creative practice, but it is steadily more difficult. Dealing with Schizo-Affective Disorder has never been easy, but before, I had family support with me. I could reality check when I needed it. I believe it is why I have thus far survived.

I am trying to get a daytime schedule in the midst of all this, and it is complicating matters. I am typically a night owl.

I have several pain issues too.

Please be patient as I try to get through everything that is taxing me. I am going to attempt continuation, but tonight I feel like creativity is a bit luxurious. I need to survive; living is another level.

Elements may all
Come together to grant dreams
But it sometimes seems
That everything conspires to
Slow progress on every track.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan