Specs

When we choose to create, whole universes rise to meet our inclination, which can, on occasion, be intimidating. What we know about process, creation, may not lend itself at the moment to production. Time may swirl its vaporous fogs around us. We may need to filter the nectar from the dew.

A useful tool for creative sessions we find in music. Often, we have many favorites and find it fortuitous to add artists to our listening consistently. There are numerous choices in ways to find and enjoy music these days. Every taste meets ample representation.

An exercise one might do, is to take a song well enjoyed, enter it, imbibe its mood, let the lyrics move the spirit; then write, paint, create something original from what one finds in the experience. Music is heart and soul; it is a gift always filling lives.

Equally, photos can be a catalyst for inspiration. Looking through photos offers a bevy of ideas. Personal and family photos, magazines, Instagram, and other online services should serve well enough. Create as whim and wish may direct.

Random words found in various places can be material to seed many works. Dictionaries, quotations, thesauri, signs will work, or pick some out of the air.

There is never a dearth of creativity; it infuses every portion of reality and imagination. The trick is to harness it and make with it some beauty to honor who we are in the world. At times like these, love is sorely needed and can be delivered expertly through our creations.

Going Down Again

For some of us, particularly females, the quest for a weight we deem acceptable is lifelong. My battles started in probably middle school, maybe before. I have been a diet soda addict as long as I can remember.

I have done every diet, gone to every gym, exercised excessively, put my self at risk with amphetamines, fasted. I have rarely liked my body and regularly hated myself.

For me, it was never so much the models and movie stars; it was the derision from my peers, both male and female. When a man I adored said he hated to take me out to restaurants with him because it was embarrassing to see me gorge myself, it nearly destroyed me.

Since 1997 I have been medicated continuously with drugs that cause weight gain and/or hinder weight loss. At worst, I was over 200 pounds.

I longed to take control, but nothing seemed doable. In December 2013, Samsung released the first version of its smartwatch, the Gear. I tend to be if I can, an early adopter. I had read the hype, and on the day the Gear hit the stores, I got one. It had a pedometer but worked from the wrist. I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app onto my S3 and paired with the Gear; I determined to change my life.

I did. At the end of 2014, I was 140 pounds and a slim size 6. At the lowest, I reached 135 pounds.

I did well until I had a devastating series of losses. By 2019, my weight was slipping up. I hated myself again. Depression, suicidal ideation, medication changes, and the fact that Under Armour bought MyFitnessPal and added pop-ups for which my reaction was to ditch the app, worked against me.

In 2020, with the pandemic, minimal contact with human beings beyond the screen, I reached 173 pounds. That was too much. So, I told someone I was bingeing, and the reply was, “That’s not you!” Somehow those three words gave me the impetus to grasp control and wrench myself back from the edge.

A few weeks have passed. I am down to 160 pounds. At this point – last time, I enlisted the help of Body Change coach John Cena. I have no such option now. So it is me against the urge to eat frequently.

I shall win. My appetite is always ravenous because of my prescriptions, but I have to do this, so there you are.

It is a miracle I am alive, and I believe that God shall not abandon me on this journey. I pray, and I do not bring home the things that I cannot resist.

If you think it is easy, don’t. It is not, and never has been.

Allegiance

It is not like me
To dwell here inside my flesh;
My mind is often
An aptly chosen abode,
Words my finest furniture.
You, however, call
Me into reality,
My visions react
To your being with growing
Hopes, you may one day love me.
Time beating unkind
Reverts to seeming stillness
When you hold me near;
Better dreams, futures appear,
We, together, display promise.

What you see is quite different from what came out in my journal (in Kindness Pink ink), but I think it serves well. Again, I used the syllable counts for tanka and strung three together.

I keep thinking I will find some other forms, but I have almost always been a Free Verse poet. It is hard to break the habits of a lifetime.

What forms do you like? Can you illustrate one?

If you are another type of writer or artist, what patterns do you see in your work? Can you break with those, change things up?

I went to the library yesterday. Oh, what a treasure trove I amassed. I appeased my dragon self with a horde of books. No zombies though, no, done with those for now, maybe ever.

Creativity on the Loose

A couple of exercises for us all:
Our eyes tell us the outlines of the world, and our minds supply the stories. Look around you, wherever you are. Pay close attention. What abstracts and descriptors appear within sight? Maybe there are poems, novels, and short stories to be written, or your vision calls you to art.

Secondly, I realize this year has been challenging, but think about your favorite part thus far. Create something that celebrates it. As a bonus, make a plan stating how you can bring about such pleasure again. Try to facilitate what lights up your soul.

Most of my day so far was spent copy editing, but I finished.

If you look around Haphazard Creative, you may notice I made some changes. I tried to streamline the widgets, and I updated the About page.

I put Halloween decor out on September 1 – but decided to bring some here today. I like all the smiles of Halloween; maybe you do too.

What Good’s In You?

The Journal Writing prompt today is: Make a list of 20 things you like about yourself.

Believe it or not, this is going to be a difficult assignment. The thing is, according to my mood, I can tolerate myself or hate myself. The tendency toward antipathy is strong.

Here goes:

I am creative.
I love deeply and extravagantly.
The son I raised is an outstanding success.
I am a writer.
I am an artist (perhaps not a very good one, but I have some gifts).
I choose never to stop learning.
I want to be like Jesus.
I made my Mom’s final years bearable and kept her at home.
I do not allow Schizo-Affective Disorder to defeat me, though sometimes it is touch and go.
I have excellent taste.
Animals love me.
Children love me. (Ah, geez, I am running out of things to say. Whatever else?)
I am generous.
I sing.
I work with technology despite the fact I never got the hang of typing very well.
I am an early-adopter.
I am capable of teaching things I know.
I have empathy.
I have overcome most of my worst habits.
I have a wide variety of friends.

Bonus: I am still here, even though I fight suicidal ideation more than I like.

Okay, I did it. Can you? Can you step out of the negatives that often besiege us, and count yourself a blessing? I suggest you do it. It might brighten your day. Appreciate yourself.

The Bible says we should love others as ourselves. It implies the prerequisite that we love who we are to love others better.